D’Unbelievable Fire

This is one hell of a do! In the spacious function room of the Travellers Friend Hotel in Castlebar, Co. Mayo, several hundred people have gathered to witness a rather unique and unusual awards ceremony. The Golden Microphone is to the pub band genre what the Tony is to the stage and the Oscar is to the screen, and is awarded annually to the best amateur or semi-professional pub-wedding band in the country.

Of course it isn’t really made of gold and seems instead to have been rather crudely fashioned from a lump of timber and an duff old microphone but that’s hardly the point. The GM is the ultimate pub-biz accolade and this year’s winners, a Tipperary-based outfit called D’Unbelievables (aka Jon & Jerry), seem delighted to have won it, if their manic and uncivilised whoops and hollers are anything to go by. Brandishing their trophy like GAA players at a Cup Final they take it in turns to hold it out to the ecstatic crowd and bask in their applause. Watching their antics from the back of the hall I reflect that neither of them look like the type you’d buy a used tractor off.

In their acceptance speech, they recall the night of their big breakthrough: a wedding reception for the O’Donaghue clan at the Galtee Regal Hotel. As speeches go, this one is extremely detailed – taking in the booking, preparations, ceremony, meal and dance before ending with a post session vomit in the car park but still far less stomach churning than Tom Hanks’ rambling monologue at last year’s Oscars. And this despite the fact that it goes on for over two hours . . .

What makes it bearable is the fact that this really is “One Hell Of A Do” – a superb night of comedy and theatre courtesy of Limerick based duo Jon Kenny and Pat Shortt. As D’Unbelievables, Kenny and shortt have been receiving the Golden Microphone Award on an almost nightly basis for over two years now with “One Hell Of A Do” having played everywhere from Edinburgh to New York and back again, garnering an impressive number of gushing reviews along the way.

Tonight the Castlebar audience loves the show, applauding ’til their hands bleed and forcing Kenny and Shortt to take a ridiculous number of bows. When the crowd finally begin to disperse I make my way backstage to conduct an interview, armed with myriad questions about comedy as art, life on the road, sources of inspiration and all the usual crap you ask comedians.

Unfortunately, when I arrive at the dressing room it quickly becomes obvious that my questions will be useless. Kenny and Shortt are in there alright but judging from the amount (and volume) of belching and farting going on, not to mention the speed with which they’re emptying that plate of ham sandwiches and then spraying bits of them via spittle all over the wall, they’re still in D’Unbelievables mode. D’Unbelievables you see, are complete and utter rednecks, but cute hoors all the same. Tentatively, I ask them how they feel about winning the award.

“Well, d’ye know something now, as sure as I’m here, let me tell you this,.” says Jon (Kenny), “I was delighted.”

“That’s right,” Jerry agrees, stuffing another sandwich into his mouth.

“We was up against big names, big bands,” he continues.

“That’s right,” Jerry agrees, stuffing another sandwich into his mouth.

Jon starts off the competition, extending a finger to emphasise each name as he says it in his thick country accent. “There was Mary B. & the Morrison Visa Band, Judge & Mixy, Sean Bo & The Triplets (who’re now only a twopiece but they’re still a great outfit) and Sean Slattery & The Rough Club,” he says. “I mean yer talkin’ about class acts, real class acts.”

“That’s right,” Jerry agrees, stuffing another sandwich (the last, thankfully) into his mouth.

“Like I almost wasn’t there for the receivenation,” Jon admits. “I was down in the lounge bar having a pint because I didn’t think we’d a hope. Like, we were up against big acts.”

So I gather.

They’re both grinning widely. Obviously they’re enjoying forcing me to conduct an interview with a couple of fictional characters. This isn’t going to be a problem for me. I once interviewed Bros.

Will winning this award go to your heads do you think?

“Ah no,” says Jerry, “it won’t. Because as I said to Jon and as Jon said to me, we want to stay in our parish like. Stay local y’know.”

Jon explains further: “Well like, we’d like to do for our parish what Bono did for his d’ye know what I mean? Y’know those U2 lads didn’t let it go to their heads. They came back and looked after everyone at home. That’s what we want to do as well.”

And how do you plan on looking after everyone?

“Well y’know we should be bringin’ an extra few pound in now that this award has given us a bit more profile like,” he answers, “and so hopefully within the next few months we’ll be makin’ a video.”

What kind of video?

“Arry, ye know, we’ll be doin’ all the beauty spots in the parish and put a bit of a backing track onto it. Y’know there’s some beautiful spots out there like the castle and the black beach and . . .”

“Willy’s Hole,” proffers Jerry.

“Ah, yeah, dat’s a lovely spot. People come from all around the parish to see it.”

“Yeah,” says Jerry. “It’ll be good for the town.”

Winning the Golden Microphone tonight was obviously the high point of D’Unbelievables career to date. I asked them what, prior to this, had been their high point?

“Well I once served at Tim Slattery’s funeral,” says Jerry in a hushed tone, “back when I was an altarboy y’know. He was a local county councillor. Jasus, that was a big day in my life.”

At least Jon’s answer is something to do with music: “Well I played in the brass band at a Munster final once. I never really thought I’d see the day where I’d go beyond that.”

Erm, do you play any originals in your wedding sets or do you just do cover versions?

“Arry well they’re mainly cover versions but we’ve written a few new songs for the album,” Jon replies. “Jerry’s after writing a song called ‘She Drove A Honda Fifty’. It’s in memory of a girl called Geraldine Trassy and there’s a lovely romantic sentiment in it. Will we give it a blast for ye?”

Why not? I’m gonna need something to fill up this space. The two of them laugh and suddenly burst into a chorus of: “She drove the Honda 50/At 90 miles an hour/Up and down the village/And down by the water tower/She drove the Honda 50/At 90 miles per hour.”

“What to you think?” asks Jerry.

“Erm, sounds a bit like The Sawdoctors,” I tell him.

“Ah yeah, well a lot of people have said now that our songs would be of a similar standard,” he tells me. “Y’know there’s a lot of thought gone into it.”

Quite.

Just before I leave (well, would you stay?) I ask D’Unbelievables what are their plans for the immediate future.

“I’m off to Ballybunion for a week,” announces Jon. “I’m gonna get a bit of a break. We’ve an aul mobile home up there y’know.”

“Jasus,” says Jerry, “lucky you. I’m stuck doin’ a bit of work down the farm and of course I’m signing on as well so I have to be around. It’s very hard like – trying to do a bit of work and signing at the same time. D’ya know?”

I’d believe it!