Ten questions to ask the canvassers

One of the most annoying aspects of general elections is canvassers calling to your door to discuss the “issues”. Never mind that these doorstep tête-à-têtes only occur at half-decade intervals, they also usually happen at the most irritating, inconvenient and intrusive times (ie. any time).

But there is one way to make these impromptu political discussions count – no, not by a random act of extreme violence, but rather by testing the candidate’s knowledge of the matters closest to your heart.
From domestic affairs to international events, arts and culture to business and sport, you quite simply have to know where the candidates stand on the burning issues of the day. As a means of cutting to the chase and finding out whether the crowd on you doorstep are worth giving the time of day to, hotpress here presents 10 questions guaranteed to reveal any politician’s true colours:

1. There’s an international crisis in Lebanon. Which of the following personalities do you send as a mediator?
A. Condoleeza Rice
B. Irvine Welsh
C. Lemmy
D. The Enigma from the Jim Rose Circus

2. Do you think Guns n' Roses will release Chinese Democracy within our lifetime?

3. Should hanging be re-introduced?

4. Is the amount of hot air emanating from Martin Cullen damaging our political environment?

5. Risk equalisation in the health insurance market – does it mean I can keep smoking the wacky backy?

6. Should Irish residents who can’t speak coherent English (eg. Brendan O’Connor, Bertie Ahern, etc) be forced to undergo a naturalisation programme?

7. Who is the current President of the European Commission?
A. Jose Manuel Barroso
B. Dick Roche
C. Eddie Hobbs
D. Nick Cave

8. Should legislation be introduced outlawing the use of megaphones by election candidates?
9. Does Cristiano Ronaldo deserve all the hype?
10. Should the Indo put Kevin Myers verifiably beyond use?