Sex Column: Ireland, Sex and The Third Gender

I have always been very curious about the Third Gender – so I asked a few Trans friends questions about their sex lives. I also wanted to demystify a way of being that I find genuinely fascinating.

Being transgender is independent of sexual orientation. Transgender people may identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, or choose no labels at all. In Hindu culture, classification as the ‘third gender’ – also characterised as ‘sexually neutral beings’ – is understood to bestow blessings. In certain ancient cultures, transgender people were seen as shamans and closer to the divine, and they have had a prominent role in arts and entertainment throughout history.

Fun fact: some species of fish are naturally transgender, switching between the sexes during their lifetime!

SEX AND POWER

I spoke with two LA friends – one female to male (FTM), and one male to female (MTF). Their most interesting commonality was that both opted to forego their respective bottom surgeries – mostly for fear of losing the ability to orgasm. “It just wouldn’t be worth it,” my MTF friend stated passionately. She said she’d rather die than lose her ability to orgasm. Until science catches up, she’s a no. I’m sure we can all relate…

She’s a gorgeous latina trans-woman. She’s been ingesting Estradiol since 2009. This HRT (hormone replacement therapy) has hugely changed her body. She describes her smoother skin, development of breast tissue, a rounder shape, and less boxy figure. She has also removed most of her body hair (face, chest, armpits, back, and legs) via laser treatments. As we get into our “sex talk” she describes one Crying Game encounter early during her transition process. Now, she’s quick to disclose her Trans status to any potential date. One time, a young serviceman she met on Match.com (pre Tinder) was excited to meet her. Things started innocently enough with ice cream in the park but quickly became hot and heavy back at her place. The young American was groping her while they made out. He then reached down between her legs and felt her penis. “He jumped so high off the ground, I froze for fear of my life!” She found out later, he did not understand what Trans meant. He thought she “worked in fashion”. He apologised for scaring her, and sweetly stated: “It’s not what I’m looking for.”

Most of the time, her dates are excited about her pre-op status. “90% is really into it - men who aren’t attracted to guys, but are attracted to a woman with a penis,” she clarifies. “Straight couples love Trans women with cocks”.

A highlight during this series of dates was how she got to penetrate both the husband and the wife. “He fucked his wife, and I fucked him. Just like a little train,” she chuckled.

At a bar known for Trans pickups in San Diego, she told me about one chance meeting. “This guy I met suggested we go back to my apartment. The first red flag was his windowless van. He brought out a few very elaborate latex costumes”. Choosing to play along with his fetish, she put on a pair of latex boots. When he proceeded to lick them, she derailed the process. “I just wasn’t into it,” she said. She asked him to leave after he disclosed a kinky murder fantasy while they were showering. Trans people are often victims of violence.

During an S&M “tie up” experience, a friend told her to get naked and on her knees. Feeling slightly shocked, intimidated and admittedly “vanilla”, she started to panic when he put a gag in her mouth and penetrated her with a big, metal dildo. Ultimately, some of these experiences helped her become more vigilant and discerning of her mostly male sex partners.

I asked what the highlight has been, post-transition.

“I grew up very intimidated by masculinity. Having straight men succumb to me (in bed) is the ultimate power trip. When I get to penetrate a masculine guy, those jock’s that used to scare me when I was growing up – it floors me! For me, sex is about power. It’s my favorite part about being Trans.”

REALLY HORNY

The female partner of my FTM friend shares their story wide-eyed. “His MAN-gina is definitely not a vagina,” she says. “There’s something really different going on down there.” The two have been in a committed, monogamous relationship for nine years, with kids from his eggs, harvested before he began his transition process. Here’s the magic: she carried his eggs to term! Prior to this union, she identified as lesbian, with a few bi-encounters.

At first look, you might not realise this adorable trans man was once female. With a full beard and manly frame, he opted for top surgery to remove his breasts. Prior, he felt “unworthy” of using male pronouns. His double mastectomy was a huge relief.

“T,” he explains, “makes you really horny.” Indeed Testosterone (HRT) made his appetite for sex insatiable. Now we know what’s going on with men all the time, right?

He went on to say how great it is to be in a new relationship with someone who also wanted to “fuck like jackrabbits”.

“When I woke up after my top surgery, it was the first time I felt like I was in the right body,” he says. This sentiment echoes what many transgender people confirm after their respective surgeries. He recounts this most profound experience, with emotion. “Prior to transition,” he says, “I used to disassociate during sex. The first time I had sex post surgery, was the first time I’d felt really present and sexy in my body.”

This FTM likes to describe himself as being of the Third gender. He holds up his hand and displays a space of about an inch and a half. “T changed my clit.” He never cared for penetration nor traditional cunnilingus. The specific reason for declining bottom surgery was “science has to figure out how to make the re-directed urethra hard, and I don’t want a skin-formed franken-weeny.”

Growing up, he was mentored by “bull dykes”. Pre-op, he had to pretend his partners were giving him head and not going down on him. Nowadays, he loves dirty talk and getting tied up. He recounts his sexual exploration into S&M, and when he learned the value of “safe” words.

“I was tied up and cuffed to what I thought was a dormant heater,” he recalls. “All of a sudden, the pipes came on full blast! Anything I said (or yelled) at my Dom was discounted and laughed at! She eventually got the message I was really burning!” One dark room anal sex encounter had him mildly aghast when the lights came on – hence the need for those clean colons kids!

Fun and dirty sex for all genders, including the Third!!

Cynthia Catania is a singer, songwriter, musician and producer. She plays with Saucy Monky and The Secret Things