- 30 Jan 19
There is a growing tendency to corral all forms of sex into boxes that can be ticked. Maybe it is a good thing. But, at the start of a new year, listening to one powerfully sexually motivated friend of our sex columnist tell her story, it is impossible to miss the fact that the moral indignation that has become so commonplace risks repressing the unassailable truth that sex as an end in itself can be a valid choice for adults, whatever their sexual identification, preferences or status in life.
Where is the magnificent theatre of erotic interaction between consenting adults, that drives normal sex fiends everywhere – that’s people like me and you! – likely to go in 2019? Where will the new boundaries lie? Will we be conditioned into living with ever greater restraints on the unexpected, the whimsical, the purely sexual?
The landscape is changing all around us. In some ways, we have become much more open and tolerant. On the other hand, there seems to be an ever thicker rulebook, patrolled not by the religious inhibitors that tried for so long to quench people’s – and especially women’s – fascination with the erotic, but by a new breed of moralist whose ultimate motives are not yet fully known. Perhaps, in truth, the anti-sex lobby has merely taken on a different form.
Here is a puzzle to ponder: can we explore the full power of our erotic natures without access to the arena of transgression? It is a question in which I have always had a powerful interest – and it is perhaps more relevant now than any time over the past 50 years. I can’t help thinking about it as I talk to my old friend Eli, wondering where what she has to say fits in the New Testament of sexual ‘correctness’ – if, indeed, it does at all.
“The inappropriate seduction is so powerful,” says Eli, with an honesty that is itself seductive. She’s a thirtysomething, modern-day nomad, and spiritual seeker. The lovely Eli has lived in various countries in South East Asia, Mexico, the United States, and India – and has garnered a wild (and wide!) variety of sexual experience to match.
“I achieve so much power,” she says over a long distance call, choosing her words carefully, “by breaking the norms and the rules.” It is what turns her on most, sexually.
Eli proceeds to unselfconsciously tell me the story of how she seduced an attractive young doctor she met at the local tourist clinic. I wonder how this might be viewed if she were the doctor, the man her patient. Or it it were him, as a male doctor, who had begun the flirting. It is an interesting thought.
“It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him,” she confesses. “I was attracted to him. I had my eye on him for over a year, feeling him out, flirting with him. He acted oblivious to me. At that stage, I was just another foreigner.”
She describes how she began to break through the layer of professional discretion.
“The first time we met, I’d had a motorbike accident, and I lost my toenail,” she remembers. I can almost hear her smile. “During the follow-up visit, my eye was sore and puffy. He diagnosed me with shingles and said I could lose my sight! I was like, wtf? It turns out he was right. The shingles came on from the stress of losing my big toenail. I was like ‘wow.’ That diagnosis deepened my respect.”
Over the course of the following nine months, Eli visited the clinic six or seven times.
“I was getting tests for STD’s,” she says. “I was having lots of group sex while living in Korea, so I went in to make sure I was safe. I saw the doctor again. I also had a sexual marathon during a reunion with my Korean ex-boyfriend. I was trying to get their equivalent to the morning after pill – which they don’t have here. Their version is primitive and there is a concern that it might cause cancer. I was having so much sex, like 20 times in one week.
“Anyway, on one occasion, I was lying on the examination table in a private room with a nurse. I got an instant adrenaline rush when he walked in. I think the fact that I’d been feeling a bit sick quelled my inhibitions. In his native tongue, I told him: ‘You’re handsome!’
“He whipped his head around and said, ‘What? Only my mother calls me that’.
“‘You are’, I said. “‘Thank you’, he replied.”
Eli wasn’t letting go. ‘Do you have a girlfriend? Are you married?’
‘No,’ he replied. ‘I’m too tired to drive home. I want you to take me’.
It was a blatant play. ‘We can get a driver to help’, he answered.
‘No, I want you to follow me home, and make sure I’m OK’.
She was pushing him. ‘No, we have drivers. This cannot happen. I am the doctor. You are the patient’, he said with authority.
‘Nobody has to know’. She paused. ‘When do you get off work?’ ‘In 30 minutes’.
He’s taking the bait, Eli thought. ‘Can you follow me?’ she asked. ‘No one can see me do that!’ he told her. ‘Meet me at the corner gas station’, she suggested.
About an hour later, he followed her home. “It doesn’t matter what part of the world you’re in, when ya get down to guys dicks being hard, it’s universal,” she says now. “We were hanging out on the couch, talking. He tells me, ‘Oh, I’m so stressed, my neck hurts. I need a massage’. That’s an old line.”
She laughs. She remembers rubbing his shoulders, and kissing for the first time.
“I love Asian bodies,” she tells me. “Asian men have no hair on their bodies. His skin was so soft. It’s like being with a woman. We were up all night; it was an intense three-day sex binge. No intercourse at all because his dick was small. Smaller than the average small. Disappointingly small.” Eli mimes. “I don’t even want to see that!”
Is it okay to say ‘I love Asian bodies’? Or to say that his dick was ‘disappointingly small’? Eli doesn’t care. She knows what she wants. And she doesn’t second-guess what she desires.
“We pleasured each other, just with our hands,” she recounts. “We had this intense chemistry.”
She laughed out loud. And I thought: is it in this open-ness to others’ differences, their uniqueness, their needs, that truly memorable sex flourishes? A question worth pondering...
Sex o’clock news
1. When the distance between a woman’s clitoris and her vaginal opening is less than the width of her thumb, she is more likely to reach orgasm without the need for added clitoral stimulation.
2. In Switzerland, sex education programmes begin as early as kindergarten. And guess what? Compared to the US, the teen birth rate is almost ten times lower! Swiss society is known to be “sexually liberal”, whereas the US majority swings from “conservative” to “puritanical”.
3. Heart attacks during sex are not common, you’ll be glad to know! But they are more likely to happen where one is cheating. Why? Cheating can induce psychological distress – and stress can negatively affect cardiovascular function. You have been warned!
4. In Italy, seduction begins at the table! In this culture, food, sex and wine are inextricably linked. Research shows, apparently, that Italian women who have two glasses of wine “daily” enjoy greater sexual satisfaction than those who do not. Well, it makes sense to me!
5. Twenty-five is the average number of sexual partners Australian men have had. In America, it is thirteen. And you thought the US was ‘land of the free’...
Afghanistan Women’s Team Accuse FA of Sexual Abuse
Two players from the Afghanistan national football team have made a string of allegations against the head of the Afghan Football Federation and several coaches. The women say they were sexually abused and assaulted,. The AFF denies it.
Historically in Afghanistan, women’s football was regarded as a place for strong and liberal women. The establishment of the national team was seen as proof that the patriarchal structures of the largely Muslim country were changing. Now, this sex abuse scandal has overshadowed a sport that had been a standard-bearer for women’s rights. The AFF’s president, Keramuddin Karim, and a group of its coaches, have been accused of offering the women, many of whom come from poverty, ‘financial incentives’ for sex.
The sport’s global governing body, FIFA, has opened an investigation.
New Chlamydia Test Offers Rapid Results
As Reported by HealthDay News, a new test for chlamydia can provide results within 30 minutes, researchers reported earlier this month. The rapid test for this particular sexually transmitted disease (STD) means that patients can receive treatment immediately, instead of having to wait for subsequent appointments. This new method could help reduce the spread of the disease. Chlamydia is the most common STI in Ireland, with almost half of all cases affecting people between the ages of 15 and 24. In 2016, there were 61 million new cases globally. Be careful out there. Use condoms.
WARNING: “RHINO” PRODUCTS PROMISING BETTER SEX FOR MEN CAN POSE SERIOUS HEALTH RISKS
The US FDA has identified more than 25 products marketed with variations of the name “Rhino” that contain hidden drugs. Side effects include chest pains, severe headaches and in some cases, prolonged erections. Users have also been hospitalised with extreme drops in blood pressure.
Labelled as dietary supplements, these unapproved products are sold in the US at gas stations, convenience stores, and online. It is not clear how many are sold or consumed in Ireland.
THIS ISSUE'S SEX TIP:
How To Give A Great Blow Job: The Eli Method
My nomadic-world traveling friend Eli shared a few of her fellatio tips and techniques. Read on and, male or female, if you suck cock, you can enter 2019 far better equipped to give maximum pleasure!
“I hold out until they’re dying for it,” says Ellie. “Don’t jump in too early. I’ll make out, but I need to come first! Once men come, they’re done – and I have to come at least once!”
She starts with a nipple kiss.
“I’ll caress his dick lightly – if there’s pre-come you know they’re super turned on. I like to wipe the pre-come off with my fingers. Suck their balls, if they like that. Don’t take the head of the cock into your mouth too soon!
“Then I take it as far down into my mouth and throat as I can that first time. It’s so intense – for them! Relax your throat muscles and be careful with your teeth. The in and out begins. That’s the face-fuck - which is my least favourite part, but it’s usually the best part for him.
“It’s messy, with slobber everywhere! For me, that’s the way it should be.”