The holy blood and the holy grail

I see that the Virgin Mary pretzel from Canton, Georgia, went for $20,100 in the end. The winning bid came in on February 24. eBay had attempted to halt the sale of the remarkable biscuit in the likeness of the mother of god because it hadn’t been listed as perishable. (eBay hasn’t quite grasped the concept of perishability in the context of Catholic eschatology.) Anyway, the effort to stymie the sale failed in face of the fervour of the faithful.

The free-wheeling online marketplace has, however, called a halt on bidding for an Egg McMuffin from Detroit in the likeness of Charles Darwin.
Next up: a phial of Padre Pio’s blood. The initiative, by a pair of entrepreneurial Italian teenagers, comes as preparations are finalised for next month’s public display of the stigmatised body (what joy to be able to use that word properly at last: coming soon – “awesome”) to mark the 40th anniversary of the bearded bi-locationist’s death(s). The exhumation, at the church of Santa Maria delle Grazie in the town of San Giovanni Rotondo, took place around midnight on March 3 in conditions of strict secrecy, so as to avoid millions of ga-ga devotees assembling in dangerous array. Pio’s remains are to be placed in a glass coffin and will be exhibited from April 24, for four weeks only.
“His body,” says local archbishop Domenico D’Ambrosio, who knows a thing or two about perishability, “is extremely well-preserved considering that he has been dead for 40 years.”
A hotline for reserving tickets for viewings collapsed on March 4 under pressure of calls.
Luc D’Allessandro, 18, has refused to explain how he came by the phial of Pio’s blood but offers “to submit it to any scientific examination a buyer desires.” He expects bidding to begin at “ten thousand dollars, at least.”
“I am sure that Padre Pio would have approved,” says Luc.
I’m sure he would, too.
Meanwhile, if you are sitting at your computer right now and in need of an excuse to put off working for another while, check out Rafael Brom’s “Dance for Padre Pio” on hk.youtube.com/watch?v=25RDOTG1eTU
Strange. Seriously strange.

I am sorry to say that US Under Secretary of State for Global Affairs Paula Dobriansky wasn’t pelted with clumps of toxic shamrock when she dropped in on Derry a couple of weeks back. Instead, she was welcomed into the Guildhall by eager local representatives of the DUP/Sinn Fein alliance.
Ms. Dobriansky isn’t accorded this treatment everywhere.
At the UN conference on global warming in Bali in December she was roundly jeered after airily dismissing the pleas of poorer countries for technological help in limiting carbon emissions.
Associated Press described the “long and loud booing” which greeted her contribution as “almost unprecedented at a diplomatic summit of this kind.”
The leader of the South African delegation denounced her remarks as “most unwelcome and without any basis,” while the remarkable Kevin Conrad of Papua New Guinea told her: “Please get out of the way. Leave it to the rest of us.”
Ms. Dobriansky came to prominence in Washington in the 1990s as one of the more articulate and plausible members of the Project for a New American Century, the key neo-con lobby which was plotting the invasion of Iraq long before Bush stole the 2000 election. She is a fanatical – it’s not too strong a word – supporter of Israel, with an openly contemptuous disregard for Palestinians and Palestinian lives.
Lebanon is one of the issues closest to Dobriansky’s heart. She was a founder-member of the US Committee for a Free Lebanon, which numbers other top neo-cons – Elliot Abrams, Richard Perle, Michael Rubin, Jeanne Fitzpatrick – in its ranks. In the summer of 2006, she strenuously opposed calls for a pause in Israel’s onslaught against villages in southern Lebanon. Let Israel finish the job, was her line.
She is on record as believing that the US has a right unilaterally to attack countries which engage in or support “terrorism.” The fact that America’s allies in this enterprise include governments which maintain themselves in power through terrorism inflicted on their own people and on others doesn’t faze Ms. Dobriansky one bit.
So how come she’s greeted like a daughter of Derry when she lurches into town? The explanation is along the lines that beggars can’t be choosers. There’s a “US investment conference” coming up in Belfast in May. Derry’s “business community” wants a share of any action that’s going. So we gotta be nice to the lady. Bite lips, bow heads, murmur Yes Ma’am, No Ma’am...
Not a word, now, about invasion, occupation, torture, rendition.
Still, I suppose it’s grand practice for the traditional display of kow-tow and toadyism planned for the White House on paddywack day.

What is it about drugs that drives people mad?
Cathal Lombard won the Irish cross country title in Belfast on March 1, after serving a two-year ban for EPO abuse in 2004.
Nobody at the track congratulated him. Athletics correspondents appear to have typed their stories while holding lavender-scented handkerchiefs to their noses.
The same happened across the water to sprinter Dwain Chambers upon his winning return after two years out for a THG offence in 2003.
Kelly Holmes told Radio 4 listeners that to compare Dwain to a leper was insulting to lepers.
Whatever happened to rehabilitation?
It must take remarkable dedication, even moral courage, for an athlete to come back and win in face of the opprobrium which, predictably, greeted Cathal and Dwain.
Congratulations to them both. I wish them well. I believe many others do, too. As a distance runner, Cathal, 31, can remain competitive for years to come. I look forward to cheering him on to the finishing line some day soon.