I grew up in the most macho of worlds, a young man from a rural farming background aspiring to be a tough, uncompromising, All Black rugby player. I felt less of a man if I sought help; shame that I was not a real man. If I was brave enough to seek help, it was always aligned to my physical self: go for a run, go to the gym. As a consequence, I spent years masking my problems with humor: the tears of a clown is the way I described my inner self. I know now that silence is not my strength - it is my weakness. The archetype of the strong, silent male has been misleading and damaging. Men in my native country, and in Ireland, are dying because of an inability to open up and share. We have the stresses every day in work and at home, yet men are expected to not show emotion. It's the John Wayne syndrome. Men need to be better friends, to take care of each other more. In my own battle, I have had to assemble a set of tools, strategies that I can use when I have panic attacks. I know the triggers, but I also know this too will pass. I have felt shame for far too long, and I know that "I can change the in, to change the out". Maybe my weakness has become my strength.

100 Voices was published in the Hot Press Mental Health Special in conjunction with Lyons Tea and Pieta House as part of the Now We're Talking Campaign. For more please visit hotpress.com/now-were-talking/