Smirnoff Dance Awards Competition Winners!

Make no mistake, there's a lot of you out there who are mad-for-it (including one actual madforit, whose entry was very good indeed). In fact there are hundreds of suitably demented would-be-scribes, who know how to

hammer a keyboard with more than a modicum of style - an interesting position which made judging this sweet little competition into a very tough brief for the hotpress.com possee.

How and ever...

There can only be one winning entry - and we've got it. Let's just say that there were a number of good gambits in evidence -but they tended to recur in the various entries. Some of these are reflected in the submissions of five runners-up that we have selected here - and who are the recipients of double passes for the Smirnoff Dance Awards.

But the most original entry by far was from dollface - aka Nessa Hurley - who sent us the following, very well written and somewhat subversive entry.

Well done to Nessa, who wins the VIP pass, and who will report for hotpress.com on the night. Well done also to our runners-up, whose entries are showcased here too. Have a good time one and all - and to those who entered and didn't come through in the final six, thanks for your sterling efforts and better luck next time you strut your journalistic stuff!

dollface

1. The similarities between the job application process and prostitution are numerous. Tart yourself up to be whatever they want you to be, and mean it, yet still retaining a sense of individualism and true character. In other words achieve the impossible. It can be done.

Curiously, the differences all favour prostitution – you're guaranteed cash, and any compromises or humiliation involved has been enjoyed on request. The kind of whoring required depends on how badly you need the gig. For example, if your father owns the company, you can afford to be that high class kind of whore who must like her clients, and has strict dos and don’ts.

In my particular case, I’m willing to be that well seasoned, yet extremely cheap, downmarket kind of whore, who’ll do pretty much anything for little

or nothing in return. Bottom line, so to speak, is that you can take it that when you say jump, the required answer is understood, and comes with options

on your part – spike heels into your back etc. I will deliver. You can depend on that.

dinet 08/03/2002

What an opportunity to sacrifice whatever is left of my sanity (I hope small sacrifices are accepted) to become a non-paid hotpress.com journalist for two weeks covering the Smirnoff Dance Club Awards… Why would I want to do it? That's easy because it sounds like the funnest thing this side of trying to yodel whilst milking a Pyrenees mountain goat on a slippery slope (okay, you had to be there to appreciate it).

Not to blow my own trumpet, but then again that’s what this is all about isn't it, writing comes easy to me. I can make complete sentences and the string them along to form a paragraph. On the downside the spelling is a bit more of a struggle; thank goodness for Microsoft Word spellchecker (note that I have no problem with the idea of using commercial jargon to the benefit of the site, I am a marketing tool).

Seriously if this is a real opportunity to get down and

dirty with the high and mighty of the dance world (mot to mention get into parties for free) I'm there. Thanks for considering me. If successful, I promise I'll do my best to keep it clean.

brian_hoju [email protected] 10/03/2002

There are very few things that bug me more than someone pointing out that I'm picking my nose. I have a way with words, I can make them beautiful, like butterflies in a music video. Or distressing like running

out of toilet roll at friend's house (I'm a guy).

I remember being at The Frame's performance in the Witness Rising tent in 2000, and as they came back for their third encore, everyone getting up on each other's shoulders, just like the last scene from The Dead Poets' Society, the security distractingly telling people to get down, and feeling the power swell through the crowd, everyone in love with Glen Hansard and suddenly I was

thinking: "this is what it must have felt to have been a one of Hitler's rallies." How many words is that?

aoife

Why am i the best? Cos i'm the best hob nobbing with the stars hob nobber there is - that's why! There's no point in going to bashes and just throwing shapes - that's RTE's job. What I do is get the good stuff (who won what, who's with who, who's on what, who's pissed first, who cried, who laughed, who puked, who cares?)....that's why.

happydude

I could write a fictional review here to illustrate my profound grasp of style and atmosphere. Or I could write a descriptive piece of prose describing my favourite band (Teenage Fanclub) and their profound impact on popular culture (hmmm). But clutching (at) a vast intellect as I obviously do, I realised after a long session of profound meditation atop the Sugar Loaf in the rain, that you the reader of this rambling stream of

consciousness will undoubtedly have read quite a few articles and probably have quite a few more still to read if this is being read around the middle of the bunch which is the most likely given any sort of probability

distribution. So instead I think I shall attempt to win the competition by ending right here.

darklabyrinth

Right, here goes....I think Hotpress should make me a journalist for the night, first and foremost, because I'm in the middle of my exams right now and I'm using valuable study time to write this. If that isn't dedication I don't know what is. I feel this should also earn me points on sympathy grounds.

I got my very first letter published in Hotpress at the

tender age of 15 (and am still owed a voucher for my last one, so if ye don't give me this gig I'll be after ye for it!!!) Though completely unqualified, I am fairly literate and have absolutely no shame, which I

find comes in handy when talking to, or indeed interviewing, people I've never met before. Also, if nothing worth writing about happens on the night,

I will, no doubt, make an arse of myself in some interesting and original way which will make fascinating reading and be a worthy addition to the reputable national establishment that is Hotpress magazine. *gets down on knees* I AM NOT WORTHY. I AM NOT WORTHY. *look of pleading desperation*.........and if ye don't........I'll.......I'll......come to the Hotpress office and....chew all your pencils!