Payphone

We don’t hear quite as much about terminally hungover-looking rapper Wiz Khalifa over here as they do across the pond, but the sharp-tongued Dakota boy is easily the healthiest thing about this catchy-but-highly annoying Maroon 5 number, on which Adam Levine casually croons, “I’m at a payphone trying to call home…” Look, I know it’s near impossible to come up with an original concept for a pop track these days, but the day we decide that it’s okay to pluck a random inanimate object out of thin air and write a lovesong around it is the day I personally break into UMG corporate headquarters in Santa Monica and, if you’ll pardon my French, tear the place up. Also, nobody’s used a payphone since 1998. If it were a suitable setting for a feelgood summer anthem, someone would have thought of it long before the wretched things became obsolete.