Did you know there’s a small but thriving shoemaking sector operating in Ireland? Most companies are based out of Kerry. That’s where the cows are best. All that lush Kerry grass keeps them good and healthy, and the leather they produce makes for great shoes.

Now every one knows that the Italians or possibly the Spanish make the best shoes. But a lot of proud Irish people are saying, to hell with it, why shouldn’t we do it too? And guess what, the shoes are selling. They’re not being written up in fashion magazines just yet but they’re good solid products. Meanwhile the shoe industry in other countries, particularly the UK, is being hit hard and their shoe sales were down last year. But thanks to our own indigenous shoe products our shoe sales here stayed respectable last year. Nice one !
Now the Kerry shoemakers haven’t done it on their own. They’ve gotten Government grants, you see. In fact some of these grants have proved so attractive that some high-powered foreign shoe producers have been coming to this country, spending months here, hiring loads of people and making some shoes that are half-Irish, quarter-Irish, or not Irish at all.
But all the workers in Kerry and other areas think it’s great. They had virtually no downtime last year. Plus they’re learning plenty of tricks from the overseas visitors. And all the B&B landladies, shopkeepers and bar owners are raking it in. Plus the Irish reputation gains tremendously from the association. Its all about the reputation in the clogs industry. You’re only as good as your last pair etc.
So these grants, or rather, tax breaks, have been in place since 1984. But now old Charlie McCreevy has decided that those breaks were just start-up type things, and while “Special reliefs have played an important role” they’re “not a viable long-term option” anymore. Does he mean like when you feed and water a plant and it grows and then you remove all sustenance and it….oh.
He seems to think that those foreign footwear makers just needed to be lured over here because of the tax breaks. Once Charlie removes the incentives those Americans, Brits and Australians simply won’t notice !
Perhaps Minister McCreevy just doesn’t like shoes. (Actually, have you ever seen his feet?) Or rather film and TV, which, apologies to puzzled Kerry-folk, is of course the industry in question. But no, that’s not it either. The truth is that he hasn’t even thought about them. Because this policy is based on fear. It’s small and short-sighted and mean. Mean as in parsimonious. Meaning it will save a few quid on paper when added to his other intended cuts targets but it will lose much more in the end, when, of course, Charlie will be long out of office.

Remember school, Charles. Charles! Charles, wake up ! You’re in maths class now. I want you to answer the following problem. You give the maximum tax relief of €3.5 million to the funny film-producers. They, in turn spend €50 million in the Irish economy. That’s YOUR economy Charles, pay attention ! Between €8 million and €10 million is returned directly to your Exchequer by way of VAT, PRSI, PAYE. We covered those last week, class. Alright Charles, you give them 3.5 million and they return nearly 10 million, understand? Now does that represent good value for money?
Do the maths! Because everyone else is. Like SIPTU secretary Jimmy Jordan, who says “The present tax incentive has attracted up to €140m of inward foreign direct investment annually and the Minister for Finance’s desire to recoup approximately €25m by ending this scheme seems baffling.”
And those thousands of shoe, I mean film, makers who your cuts make unemployed won’t thank you. That’s a pretty large factory to close down, isn’t it? Mary Harney wouldn’t like that. You should really try and stop getting on Mary’s bad side, Charlie. Your friend Minister for Arts-among-loads-of-other-things John O’Donoghue is clearly a bad influence. His problem is he’s seen more ends of horses than beginnings of films.
Hang on, doesn’t he have Tourism in his schoolbag also? Hmm, those films made in Ireland certainly do bring in a lot of tourists, don’t they? Wonder where they’ll go now? Somewhere sunny probably…
You know what, you’ve got another problem too, Charlie. Somehow all these young folk got it into their heads that we had a film industry. Now they’ve all started to dream and get creative – luckily there’s a wealth of film and media colleges started up in the last few years just for them. And now you’re telling them they’re probably going to have to emigrate to get jobs in their chosen field?
I know those students are annoying as all hell, but you really don’t want to get them too angry. I mean, think of the historical precedents. They’re like a nest of wasps once they get irked. Best throw them a little honey every so often and generally leave them alone until they eventually all separate out and start driving Toyotas, when they become generally more manageable.
Charlie, I hate to say it, because you’re a nice young fella really but I think you’re going to have to repeat the year. First lesson we’ll start with Section 481…