At Home With... Dustin

Given his avian status, Dustin is officially of no fixed abode, but he does spend a good deal of his time on the set of RTÉ2’s Saturday morning programme The Once A Week Show. Naturally, as a best-selling performer himself, the garrulous turkey likes to keep abreast (ouch) of contemporary musical trends, and of late has been keenly listening to the debut albums by Vampire Weekend and These New Puritans. What does he make of the hotly tipped indie outfits?

“I haven’t taken the Vampire album out of the Discman since I got it, although that’s because the CD has actually broken the open button,” he says. “But it’s brilliant. There’s funk, rock and even a bit of balladry in there too. There’s a bit of something for everyone, like the Progressive Democrats.”
Dustin cites Cork legends Microdisney as his favourite band of all time, perhaps a slightly surprising choice given his famed devotion to Dublin.
“Well, I do like the ’Lan,” he says, referring to Christy Dignam and co. “We had them on the show recently, and half the TV cameras went missing, ’cos their own fans came in. Well, fans or shoplifters, what’s the difference? That’s why Aslan never chart, ’cos everyone nicks the CD. But I love Christy and Billy. Not for music, just for comedy. Christy should do the news for the deaf, and in fact he actually looks like yer one who does it. I’ve never seen the two of them together, come to think of it.
“But when he sings ‘How can I protect you in this crazy world?’, he spells out it with the big circles. I definitely think RTÉ should poach him before Sky do. You can imagine him down in the corner of the screen, can’t you? Of course, they got that award at the Meteors the other night. Billy was jumping around the gaff.”
It was certainly nice to see them getting their due recognition.
“What, did they get the jobs back in Supermacs? Maybe Christy’s made assistant manager now. But they deserved their award. They are the Status Quo of Ireland, but they’re a great band. As I said when I was interviewing Christy, ‘Crazy World’ is possibly the best Irish single. Because they’re playing the Noggin Inn and all, people think they’re a bit of a joke, but it was a great song for its time.”
Dustin is enthusiastic about Hot Press’ new look, observing that it makes the magazine “easier to photocopy”, which he likes to do when he’s not busy “photocopying Caroline Morahan’s bum at the Christmas party”. It sounds like the festive bashes in Montrose are quite eventful.
“Ken Hammond always comes down in his bling,” says Dustin. “He always has a lady on each arm. Him, Nell McCafferty and Miriam O’Callaghan come into the room and it all kicks off. The thing about Ken Hammond is that he’s never missed a news bulletin, yet he’s out partying hard every night. He leaves Krystle, gets into his Hummer with the Ken1 licence plate, then heads up to RTÉ and does the news bulletin. Then off he goes again in the fur jacket.”
Recent guests on The Once A Week Show have included Westlife’s Nicky Byrne and former Miss World Rosanna Davison, whom Dustin allowed to co-host on the condition that “she didn’t bring her Dad with her”. Speaking of Irish music acts, what’s Dustin opinion of U2?
“Well, I’m kind of a fan,” he replies. “Let’s be honest, Bono is about the same height as me, has a nose as big as me and sings as well as me, so we do have a lot in common. I’ve actually met Bono, The Edge, Larry and the other guy. Alan, isn’t it? The roadie. I like their earlier stuff. Fair play to them, they’re Irish and they’re flying the flag, although sometimes you do think, ‘Bono would you ever shut up?’ But he does his bit for charity, so I can’t knock him too much. There’s possibly a duet on the cards if I get through on Eurosong.”
What does Dustin make of Bertie Ahern’s current entanglements with the Mahon tribunal?
“The thing about Bertie is, I think he’s bad for politics, but good for comedy. It’s basically like having a used car salesman as a prime minister, isn’t it? The guy opens supermarkets, it’s like a joke. But I think we’d be lost without him. I mean, I know he’s a crook, but I think we’d miss him if he wasn’t there.”
Finally, we couldn’t finish without mentioning the controversy over Dustin’s Eurosong entry. Was he surprised by the amount of interest generated by his inclusion on the shortlist?
“Of course I was,” he responds. “It was on Australian news, Terry Wogan and Chris Moyles mentioned it, and Jonathan Ross and Richard and Judy called. It went bonkers. It’s great, but at the end of the day, music will be the winner (breaks into off-key rendition of ‘Waterloo’). I’ve got the voice of an angel, so no matter what way things work out with Eurosong, I’ve nothing to worry about.”