Is This The Ugliest Building Ever in Ireland?

As the entire country knows by now, the FAI – that’s the Football Association of Ireland to the uninitiated – is currently going through a period of turmoil. There was good news over the past couple of days, with FIFA making a commitment to support its Irish affiliate, to the tune of a reported €10 million, in the event that support is needed.

Which is a relief.

There may yet be a shit-storm on the way, with the ODCE (Office of the Director of Corporate Enforcement) demanding a close look at the books of the FAI. And certainly, some of what had been happening in Abbotstown seems to have been rather unorthodox. But that, surely, will have to be – and will be – sorted out. The organisation will survive. And if Mick McCarthy and the gang can deliver on the pitch in upcoming games, then the FAI might even begin to thrive – hopefully putting the Martin O’Neill era, and the John Delaney era also, firmly into the past.

Sorting out the building which you see before your very eyes, however, is a challenge on another level entirely! It is located on the Sport Ireland National Sports Campus, and is leased by the FAI, who moved to the Sports Ireland facility from their plush, central Dublin offices back in 2007.

Looking at it, our first thought was: maybe there is a football pitch on the roof! Given the way architecture is going, it might even be a grass one – a smaller-scale version of the London 'Garden Bridge’ project, perhaps. But, no: it turns out that there isn’t a football pitch there. Well then, is that a football pitch to the front? Nah, as the long grass tells you, it is a ‘lawn’.

So we quickly considered the usual things that architecture is meant to be about: use of space, sense of proportion, aesthetic qualities, environmental impact – and so on. There are, of course, practical functions to be considered. But you also want the headquarters of football in Ireland to offer some feeling of light, hope, optimism, maybe even elegance or grandeur.

Does anyone see any of that here?

By the look of it, this building is maybe 10 times as wide as it is high. Alright, that figure is a guess – but you can understand what we are saying. The shape is like a baking dish – with very low sides. King Kong might like to plop down on the roof and have a good snooze. But there would be nothing for him to hold onto, if the opportunity came for him to smash it up, in a re-make of the original movie, set in Ireland. In fact, a less phallic shape you couldn’t fine anywhere in the world...

Compare this building to the Manhattan skyline. Which is nicer, eh?

The garden shed at the end might just go with the ‘lawn’. But no matter what way we look at it, there is no way that we can say: 'This building is a thing of beauty and a joy forever’. Even the way the name of the association is spread out along the front looks quite… let’s just say bizarre!

Which is why we asked the question: is this the ugliest building ever in Ireland? Alright, it probably isn’t. In fact that would be a rather cruel thing to say, because we have a long and proud history of ugly buildings here in Ireland. But still. It is a bit of a low-strosity.

And if that is a new word, then marvellous. The FAI building could, just possibly, be described as inspiring, after all.

P.S. It just occurred to us that it might have been built in this extraordinary, flat shape so that helicopters could land on top. A perfect way, you might say, for the FIFA rescue team to arrive...