What The Butler Saw

Tap your address into the www.thewildernessdowntown.com search engine and Win Butler will magically appear outside your front door singing ‘We Used To Wait’ and upsetting the neighbours with his mandolin playing.
Worried that your grammar, spelling and basic ability to construct a sentence are of a remedial class standard? Well, you’re streets ahead of young Curtis Jackson whose twitter.com/50cent account bears testimony to his serial-mitching as a kid.
He is however a funny fucker as tweets like “My aunt Sylvia didnt like me growin up cause she was the baby till I came. We had roaches so she put roach spray in a bowl and kill my dog”, and “I can multitask man. I fuck a bitch, type on twitter and write a song at the same time. And all of thiem be a hit! I’m a cold nigga” prove.
Last Saturday night found him arranging what appeared to be a booty call with a porn actress. Never before has Caught In The Net lived its life so vicariously!
While management have confirmed his account as being the real, foul-mouthed deal, twitter.com/50sgrandma is a glorious spoof, which Caught In The Net understands may be of Irish origin.
“Who u callin illiterate wid a jacked up name like ‘Niamh Conroy’ anyways my granbaby smart, richer than U!!” she tells a young lady who dared to diss her darling Fiddy.
There’s also good celebrity cyber-stalking to be had at twitter.com/kanyewest, twitter.com/lindsaylohan and twitter.com/billy, which features the somewhat off the wall observations of the Smashing Mr. Corgan.
From there it’s but a mere mouse-click to volpinprops.blogspot.com where self-confessed “graphic design dork” Harrison Krix shows you how to make your very own M8 Avenger Assault Rifle, Cassandra’s Sword and, fabbest of all, an illuminated Daft Punk helmet. If you can’t pull down the disco wearing one of these little beauts, you’re obviously a complete dweeb.
Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.facebook.com/GirlsWhoRockIRL (great if it’s run by a woman, pervy if not): www.nicovideo.jp (wonderfully bizarre Japanese film site); and www.turnto23.com/news/24770325/detail.htm (Toys ‘R’ Us stocks serial-killer doll).