Toy gory

As Alice Cooper so perceptively told us in 1971, school’s out for the summer and Caught In The Net has some super ideas to keep your kids amused. And off crack.

Our first portal of call is www.boardgames.com which for a mere $17.95 will sort you out with new Hasbro best-seller Operation Brain Surgery.

“Budding brain surgeons will enjoy reaching into the head of Cavity Sam,” reads the blurb. “Players are dealt three cards, each featuring a head-related term –chatterbox, pig headed, ice cream headache, bird brain, cat got your tongue, train of thought, block head and bright idea. Game play begins when a player presses Cavity Sam’s nose. The player then has 15 seconds to locate one or all of the items displayed on the card and remove them.”

Why stop at plastic mould injected lobotomy? We’re sure the little ‘uns would love to practice their penile enlargement skills or help mummy dermerbrase her cellulite.

If that’s not cute enough, there’s plenty of ooh-ing and aah-ing to be had at www.toxicteddies.com, a must visit for budding psychopaths. The acid bath teddy’s nice, but our fave is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre chappie.

For children who prefer fun of a more sexually deviant nature, you can’t beat the Ken In Chain Mail Tank Top & G-String that can be purchased from www.home.socal.rr.com/linkmaster/pages/ken1.htm

Also saying “goodbye boredom, hello juvenile detention centre” is www.bonsaikitten.com A step-by-step guide to pruning and shaping kitty, the site has already enraged the RSPCA and its American counterpart.

Which just leaves us with time for quick visits to www.mobileasses.com (What picture phones are really for); www.gaychristianonline.com (Kilts are in, boys); and http://makeashorterlink.com/?J17323BE4 (George Bush making a twat of himself…again!); and www.cousincouples.com (So what if your kids have webbed toes and one eye in the middle of their forehead?)