Despot the difference

Now that Saddam is dead/in exile/running a greengrocer’s in Borrisoleigh, it strikes Caught In The Net that we need a new megalomaniac leader to demonise. After much research, we’ve rejected the obvious choices like Kim Jong-il of North Korea and King Fahad of Saudi Arabia and given our ‘Loony Leader’ Award to the President, Prime Minister, Chairman of the Upper House, Chairman of the Council of Elders, President of the Humanitarian Association, Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces, Chairman of the National Security Council and Head Of Civil Defence in Turkmenistan, Saparmurat Niyazov.

Since coming to power in 1992, the 61-year-old has had 812 gold statues of himself put up around the country, the most spectacular being the 12-metre revolving image atop a 23-metre high tower in the capital, Ashgabat. He’s also commissioned a 300 square foot carpet bearing his likeness, turned his mother into a deity, re-written the country’s school curriculum and twice awarded the $100,000 ‘Hero Of Turkmenistan’ prize to…Saparmutrat Niyazov. You can find out more at www.archive.tol.cz/transitions/thedict1.html

Shamelessly populist? Us? Never! We just thought we should draw your attention to the dozens of sites like www.welovetheiraqiinformation minister.com which have sprung up in response to the comical genius that is Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf.

Currently registering 500,000 hits a day, it includes such gems of misinformation as, “My feelings – as usual – we will slaughter them all”; “Our initial assessment is that they will all die”; and “We have destroyed two tanks, fighter planes, two helicopters and their shovels.” Ah, you can never over-estimate the strategic importance of a shovel.

Concerned about the billions of dollars that have gone into their country’s war efforts, enterprising Americans are trying to make some back by flogging talking Comical Ali dolls (www.herobuilders.com) and “Iraq’s 55 Most Wanted” playing cards (www.coolonlineproducts.com).

Which just leaves us time to point you in the direction of the interactive drug quiz at www.howardandpeanut.com/ potornot#1; the cute but ultimately tragic hippo love song at www.rathergood.com/hippo; and the amazing images at www.americanphotojournalist.com