Caught in the net...Ready, aimish, fire!

While everyone here was glued to I’ve No Discernible Talent Get Me Into The Tabloids, American reality TV fans were licking their lips in anticipation of a new UPN show that’s been dubbed Amish In The City.
The action will centre around a group of Pennsylvania Dutch 16-year-olds as they undergo “rumspringa” – a period in which they’re allowed to break free of the religion’s strict code of conduct and decide whether they want to be baptised as adults.
“To have people who don’t have television walk down Rodeo Drive and be freaked out by what they see, I think will be interesting viewing,” says ultra-sensitive UPN exec Leslie Moonves. “It will not be denigrating to the Amish.”
Senators Arlen Specter and Rick Santorum disagree.
“For almost three centuries, the Amish lived the way they do out of Christian piety and conviction, not out of ignorance,” they’ve told UPN. “If, by producing this show, you fail to respect that, you’ll be opening yourselves to charges of bigotry.”
Moonves remains unmoved, which is no great surprise given his earlier attempt to pay an Appalachian family $500,000 to star in a real-life version of The Beverly Hillbillies.
Two issues ago we broke the news that T.A.T.U. are no more. Now it’s our sad duty to inform you that the UK version of Fox reality series, Man Versus Beast, has been scrapped by those killjoys at ITV. Thusly, you won’t get to see a team of midgets dragging a jumbo jet 75 feet, a sumo wrestler grappling with an orangutan in a nappy and sprinter Shawn Crawford race against a giraffe and a zebra.
For more on these and other wondrous American network creations log on to www.realitytvlinks.com
Next up this fortnight is www.dogging-central.com, a must-visit site for budding Stan Collymores which, mindful of the demands of the sport, has a link to an online Viagra pharmacy. There’s also a handy ‘10 Commandments Of…’ section which dictates that 1) Thou shalt wear thine rubbers; 2) Thou shalt not fornicate before innocents; 3) Thou shalt not block thine neighbour’s view; 4) Thou shalt look with thine eyes, not with thine hands, until invited; 5) Heed the sanctity of a woman’s right to refuse; 6) Honour thy neighbour’s anonymity; 7) Thou shalt not destroy public property; 8) Thou shalt covet thy neighbour’s wife; 9) Thou shalt clean up after thine own self; and 10) Thou shalt drive safely and honour the laws, both while motoring and parking.
Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.rockass.net/rant121201.html (Foul-mouthed American preacher lady); www.forfoxsake.com (Leicester City fans are not happy); and www.tungdog.com (Gene Simmons, eat your heart out).