Caught In The Net - Teenage Wildlife

Never mind the nightly shenanigans in the Phoenix Park, the sick, perverted behaviour that the Gardai should be doing everything in their power to stamp out is actually happening offshore.

No, we’re not referring to the Irish Navy, but Funghi and his deviant bottlenose dolphin mates. Ooooh, it makes us sick!
“The lives of male bottlenoses are characterised by extensive bisexuality, combined with periods of exclusive homosexuality,” reads the shock exposé at www.worldpolicy.org/globalrights/sexorient/marine-gay.html “From age 10 onward, most male dolphins form pair-bonds with another male and because they do not usually father calves until they are 20 to 25-years-old, this can be an extended period.”
Worse still is the “rubbing, chasing and slapping of each other’s belly and genital region” practiced by gray whales whose penises are “a distinctive light pink in colour and may be three to five feet in length and a foot in circumference at its base.”
If that’s more whale than you can handle, you might wish to invest in a tub of Boy Butter Personal Lubricant.
“At last…a butter without all the calories,” reads the blurb at www.boybutterlubes.com “When you feel that boy buttery goodness on your skin, all your troubles will melt away. Boy Butter remains slicker longer while odorless and totally water soluble, washing right off even in cold water. Try squeezing a little Boy Butter into your tight agenda today – you won’t be sorry!”
Tight agenda? And there was us thinking you shoved it up your arse.
Spent your entire life yearning to see Democratic Unionist MP Enoch Powell on a pogo stick? Well, yearn no more ‘cos there’s a picture of the late fascist doing just that at www.statesmanorskatesman.co.uk. We’re not entirely sure why, but the site is keen to hear from anybody who has snaps of modern day politicians on roller skates, a space hopper, BMX bike, non-motorised scooter etc. etc.
Which just leaves time for visits to www.monkey-dust.com (the best animation we’ve seen in an aeon); www.activehistory.co.uk/head2head/hitler/activity.htm (a virtual interview with Hitler); and www.easymidget.com/new/stories/0203_jacksonBachelor2.shtml (presumably Michael Jackson’s lawyers haven’t seen this yet). b