Caught in the Net: Stranger and Stranger

10:Never mind Cradle Of Filth and their “Jesus Is A Cunt” t-shirts, if it’s real honest to Beelzebub offensiveness you’re after look no further than Norwegian death metallers Gorgoroth who’ve been charged with blasphemous obscenity following a particularly boisterous gig in Poland. Reads the report at terror.org: “The show featured two naked women with hoods on their heads and one naked man, all of them ‘crucified’ and covered in sheep blood, a number of sheep heads on spikes and sheep entrails thrown all over the stage, as well as approximately 80 litres of fresh sheep blood. The TV crew, who had filmed various metal performances before, claimed they’d never seen anything as horrific: ‘We were not repulsed, we were terrified!’”

9:Proof that little Lisa Simpson’s all grown-up and indulging in highly dubious sexual practices can be found at STC, a handy compendium of cartoon characters making whoopee. If you think Ms. Simpson’s morals are loose wait till you see what that perv Fred Flintstone’s getting up to!

8:Sensitive to the suggestion that When Skangers Do Bad Things mightn’t be entirely politically correct, the creators say: “Any resemblance to real life stereotypes is purely coincidental.” Laugh yourself hoarse at Skangers.

7:“Shocking”, “disgusting”, “perverted”, “do they take Euro coins?”…that was the reaction of some top hotpress hacks as word filtered through that unscrupulous Japanese businessmen have stocked 90 vending machines in Tokyo with “used underwear guaranteed to have been worn by a schoolgirl.” Get the full pervy lowdown at harmful.org

6:We haven’t worked out how to download the buggers onto our iPODs yet, but the Snow Patrol, Franz Ferdinand, Patti Smith, Neil Young, Delays etc. etc. sessions at kcrw.com make you realise just how poor most Irish radio is. San Francisco, you’re a very lucky city!

5:“Trusting the sanity and restraint of the United States is not an option,” “Saddam Hussein had nuclear weapons up his arse while he was being interrogated” and “To date we have arrested or otherwise dealt with 400 billion key commanders of al-Qaeda,” are just a few of the shock revelations made by George Bush at smokehammer.com

4:Sadaam switches into Andre 3000 mode at liquidgeneration.com It’s only Iraq ‘n’ roll but Caught In The Net likes it.

3:Bored with the usual “goals change football games, Brian” rhetoric, Queens Park Rangers gaffer Ian Holloway has taken to spicing his post-match interviews up with the sort of analogy that followed last season’s scrappy 3-1 defeat of Port Vale. “To put it in gentlemen’s terms, some weeks when you go out and pull a young lady they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best,” he says to much laddish sniggering from the press corps. “Our performance today would’ve been not the best looking but at least we got a result. She wasn’t the best looking lady we’ve ended up taking home but she was very pleasant, very nice.” You can hear the QPR manager dragging himself deeper into the mire at kontraband.com

2:What red-blooded ‘net nerd could resist liegirls.com where “flag-waving, bible-thumping babes are waiting for you to help them spread freedom”?
Aroused by the thought of “girls who pose a grave and gathering threat to your pants”, Caught In The Net rang one of these weapons of mass seduction up. “Major combat operations in Iraq have ended,” she purred seductively. “The economy is growing bigger and bigger and bigger…it’s so big!”

1:“Actor and part-time musician with up and coming band The Frames, Glen has enjoyed a lot of success. His award-winning performance as Outspan in Alan Parker’s The Commitments, where he played an orange separated from his parents in World War II, got him an audition for eyebrowy. He hasn’t looked back since. His famous eyebrowys have even got him his own show on Channel 4.” All of this will make sense when you log on to eyebrowy.com, the highly animated site that lovingly rips the piss out of your fave Dublin musos.

[Sincere apologies if any of the websites listed are out of date or become inaccessible over time]