Caught In The Net: My Plug In Baby

Forget boring old ghosts and ghoulies, the ultimate Halloween rig-out this year was The Littlest Prisoner at Abu Ghraib.

“Your child will be the hit of the neighborhood costume parade in this recreation of the Abu Ghraib prisoner-abuse scandal’s most indelible image,” reads the blurb at www.thestranger.com/current/special.html “As an added bonus this easy-to-make costume will remind everyone on your child’s trick-or-treat route of our national shame! Simply roll a cone from a sheet of 24”x38” black cardstock, making sure to cut out a hole for the face. Drape with two yards of black felt, and add leftover wires from your last lamp-rewiring project. Voila! So easy, so quick, so terrifying.”
Carefully concocted spoof or not, the accompanying photo of a plug-in toddler caused much wincing among Caught In The Net’s team of 24/7 surfers.
Next up is a visit to www.liegirls.com/quicktime.html where “flag-waving, bible-thumping babes are waiting for you to help them spread freedom!”
Aroused by the thought of “girls who pose a grave and gathering threat to your pants”, we decided to have a hot one-on-one chat with one of these weapons of mass seduction.
“Major combat operations in Iraq have ended,” she purred seductively. “The economy is growing bigger and bigger and bigger…it’s so big!”
Somebody who’s feeling neither big nor clever this week is American sprinter Calvin Harrison who’s been banned for four years after admitting to taking the banned stimulant modafinil.
In addition to turbo-charging athletes, modafinil has become the drug of choice for yuppie business types who want to put in 18-hour days without going the amphetamine sulphate route.
Originally designed as a cure for narcolepsy, it’s described by Robert Mason Ph.d on www.modafinil.org as “the ultimate stimulant” and is available over the counter in the States sans prescription.
After all that pharmaceutical fun there’s time for quick visits to www.hyperlaunch.com/glc/yourmothersgotapenis/mother.html (devilishly rude Goldie Lookin’ game); www.enjoythedraft.com
(It’s just like Xbox…only you die!); and www.wirelesswaffle.co.uk (exhaustive resource for radio anoraks).