Culture
21 Jan 04

Caught In The Net - Blazing A Trailer

Following on from the orgy of excess that was the Christmas and New Year period, we’re sure that you’re all trying to undo the damage by cutting down on calories and making regular trips to the gym. Us? Well, we’re planning to spend even more time in 2004 sitting on our big fat wobbly arses.

There being no better place to slob than the cinema – extra fake butter on our popcorn, please! – we can’t wait for the new true life serial killer flick, Monster, co-starring Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci. Never mind the Seattle Times branding it, “The best independent American film since Boys Don’t Cry”, the real badge of honour is that it’s inspired 106 complaining emails to the Christian Media Monitor.
Other films that are making Caught In The Net all sticky with anticipation are the big screen version of Marvel Comics’ The Punisher (John Travolta); post-apocalyptic drama The Day After Tomorrow (Denis Quaid); and psychological slashfest Taking Lives (Angelina Jolie, Ethan Hawke and Kiefer Sutherland). Why’s it us telling you this rather than The Movie House? Well, it’s because you can find trailers for these and dozens more Hollywood movies at www.apple.com/trailers. Be warned: your phone bills will rocket.
Police in sense of humour shocker! Never mind the criminals, it’s the boys and girls in blue who are fun lovin’ down Georgia way.
“When a crime is committed, you have the right to make a ‘Citizen’s Arrest’,” reads a new East Point PD form. “Thus, if you commit a crime, it would be extremely helpful for you to perform a Citizen’s Self-Arrest.”
It then goes on to advise:
1. Do not leave your house. If you’re not home now, go home immediately.
2. If others are present, send them away. You may, however, talk to yourself.
3. Conjugal visits are not permitted.
4. If you do attempt to escape, use all reasonable force to stop yourself.
5. Report any escape attempts promptly, by phone, to the local police.
You can read the whole thing at www.eastpointpolice.org/SelfArrestForm.htm
Which just leaves us time to visit www.i18nguy.com/translations.html (General Motors have had to rename their Buick LaCrosse in Canada because the name is Quebec slang for masturbation); www.procomfortusa.com/travel.htm (portable bidet anyone?); and www.retecool.com/sukkel (we don’t like to laugh at other people’s misfortunes but…)