Caught In The Net - A Swallow Victory

Caught In The Net has known it for years, but not everyone we’ve imparted the information to has been so sure. Indeed, there have been times – usually at four in the morning, back at her place – when the suggestion has been met with outrage and none too polite requests to “get the fuck out of my bed!”

To those doubters of medical fact, we say “Read the North Carolina State University report that finds, ‘Women who perform the act of fellatio and swallow semen on a regular basis – one to two times a week – may reduce their risk of breast cancer by upto 40%’.”
Responding to the news, Dr. Helena Shifteer urges ladies to “make fellatio an important part of their daily routine. I try to fellate at least once every night to reduce my chances.” Those sentiments are echoed by Dr. Len Lictepeen… hang on, lic-te-peen? Shit, we’ve been had like all the major US media outlets that ran with this immaculately put together hoax. See how it unfolded at… www.theillustrator.com/CNN.com-StudyNewstudyshows.htm
Not content with their major contribution to America’s firearm death rate – a profit-boosting 25,000 in 2003 – Smith & Wesson have brought out their own range of merchandise which includes blouses, soap dishes, cowboy boot lamps and turquoise rimmed jewelry.
“Not everybody is going to buy a $900 weapon, but they might like that brand,” says the editor of Guns Magazine, Jim Gardener sagely. Solve all your Xmas pressie problems at www.smith-wesson.com
Fascinating Caught In The Net fact: The Smurfs are called The Puffis in Italy. Fascinating Caught In The Net fact #2: The blue troll-like critters have been given a makeover and now include Video Game-Playing Smurf, Laptop Smurf, Techno Smurf and Hip Hop Smurf who doubtless shows off his gunshot wounds, uses his gigs to flog trainers and boasts about how many people he got addicted to crack cocaine as a teenage drug dealer. Read all about it at www.bluebuddies.com
Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.anglegrinderman.com/gallery1.htm (wheel-clampers be afraid!); dwd.hu/cat.swf (nitrous oxide-related feline fun); www.ghettopoly.com (buying stolen properties, pimpin’ hoes…); and www.eurostadiums.com (see where Ire…, sorry, England will be playing their games next summer).