Booze that’s fit to be printed

No tittle tattling to Mr. Stokes, sir but this could be the final Caught In The Net. Having thought that Hot Press was the last word in journalistic reprehensibility, we’ve discovered an even more ethically dubious publication that’s currently considering our job application.

Given the copiousness of our quaffing, it can only be a matter of time before Modern Drunkard is on the blower offering us megabucks – and a limitless supply of Solpadeine – to relocate to New York and work for their magazine.

As well as producing their own Let’s Go (Get Drunk) travel guide, MD carries boozy testimonials from the likes of New York Yankee David “Boomer” Wells who reckons he pitched his perfect game on May 17, 1998 while “half-drunk, with bloodshot eyes, monster breath and a raging, skull-rattling hangover.” Needless to say, Wells’ Perfect I’m Not: Boomer On Beer, Brawls, Backaches & Baseball is one of the recommended reads on their www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com website.

If you think your job’s crap spare a thought for the poor sod who has to, er, manually collect sperm samples from the orangutans in Singapore Zoo. You can find out more about the ultimate tug of war at www.bangkokmetro.com/print.php?sid=55

There’s stimulation of a more artistic kind to be had at www.knockoffproject.com which is home to over 100 great album art spoofs, cons and rip-offs. Our fave is Sesame Street’s numeracy promoting Born To Add, a spot-on Bruce pastiche that stars Bert as The Boss and Cookie Monster as Clarence Clemens. While it might be a little churlish for Mr. Springsteen to sue, we definitely reckon that the Beech Boys should take copyright theft issue with Turbonegro.

Forget hamburger shots and hot zebra on zebra action, the kind of stuff that really worries us on the ‘net is The Roy Orbison In Cling-film site.

“If you have a site with stories about other pop stars being wrapped in cling-film mail me and we can swap,” pleads webmaster and c shrink wrap enthusiast Uli.

If you think you’re upto it, you can find out more at www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/karl.htm

Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.stupid.com/stat/METF.html (meat air fresheners, anyone?); www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Set/1931/dance.html (Watch Capt. Kirk shake his tush); and www.evertonfc.com (No new signings but, hey, Lee Carsley will lead us to Premiership glory!).