Best possible taste

Caught In The Net was intrigued to learn this week that “smoking good shit” is no longer a euphemism. Well, not in northern Nigeria where the locals have been getting their jollies from inhaling lizard dung.

“I no longer have to spend much money on drugs since I discovered the efficiency of lizard excrement,” enthuses 28-year-old Ado Kabir. “I have found peace because whenever I smoke it with tobacco all my worries are gone.”

Kabir says there are many ways to consume lizard dung – a veritable recipe book in fact – but the best is to mix it with water and a blue laundry detergent.

“When mixed with ‘blue’ in water, it produces a strong effect similar to drinking strong whisky to excess on a hot day,” Kabir continues. “People who are keen on their health boil the mixture and filter it before drinking. It has a potassium taste and is really good.”

You can find out more at www.iol.co.za

If that craze isn’t dubious enough for you, have a gander at www.extremekidnapping. com

Reads the blurb: “Some people enjoy the rush of hurling themselves out of a plane, others prefer bungee or base jumping and some crave an element of danger with their thrills. For them, there is a new option. You can now customise your own kidnapping.”

Prices range from the $500 Econo-kidnapping (“Lasts 4-6 hours. We proceed to a secret location where you’ll be sensory deprived and mock tortured”) to the $4,000 Deluxe Kidnapping (“If you’re not scared, nervous or fearing for your safety, we’re not doing our job!”)

Talking of lunatic Americans, fans of The Anna Nicole Smith Show should proceed immediately to www.bobbytrendy.com A shrine to 24-carat bad taste, it includes details of an emergency hotline should you be in desperate need of re-upholstering at 4 o’clock in the morning.

Which just leaves us time for quick visits to www.michaelmoore.com (conservative-baiting of the superior kind), www.time.com/time/2002/ invention (handheld dog translator anybody?) and www.suicidegirls.com (saucy shots of the girl next door. If you live next to the Addams Family, that is!)