Anti-jerk mechanism

Having starred in The Funniest Film In The World… Ever!, Christopher Guest would be perfectly entitled to piss/snort/shag the rest of his career away but, no, the Spinal Tap man is back with a new, if you will, folkumentary.

Explains the former Nigel Tuffnell: “It’s based on the folk-hootenanny thing that happened before The Beatles wiped it out. These bands were made up of grinning apes with guitars strumming their asses off, playing terrible songs which often became hits. People fell for this obligatory good time – y’know, if you’re not smiling you may leave the room. Way, way too enthusiastic! It’s about what they go through to get back into the saddle, and there’s a lot of hootin’ going on, believe me!” You can find out more at www.wolfeton…, er, sorry, www.countingdown.com/movies/amightywind

Ever wondered what Destiny’s Child would sound like if they came from Northern England? And were kittens? If the answer to that is “yes”, you’re urgently in need of a visit to A) The doctor and B) www.rathergood.com. The latter also takes some chucklesome liberties with The White Stripes, Madonna, Mick Hucknall and Mick Hucknall’s rabbit.

We know they were mentioned in the last Caught In The Net, but www.b3ta.com
have outdone themselves with their Davros, Leader Of The Dalaks and Stephen Hawking-sung version of ‘Together In Electric Dreams.’

He may have socked it to the paramilitaries, taken on SPUC and come out firmly against plane crashes, but Niall Stokes has never to our knowledge denounced the evils of crashing the yogurt truck. Thank God then – perhaps literally – for Council of the 12 Apostles man Mark E. Petersen and his, ahem, handy Steps In Overcoming Masturbation. These include:

• NEVER touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.
• When you bathe, do not admire yourself in the mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes – just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you’ll have some member of your family present.
• If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK.

The complete guide can be perused at www.affirmation.org/masturbation.htm Now excuse us while we go and have a wank.