Age concern

Trusting in the sanity and restraint of the United States is not an option”, “Sadaam Hussein had nuclear weapons up his arse while he was being interrogated” and “To date we have arrested or otherwise dealt with 400 billion key commanders of al-Qaeda” are just a few of the shock revelations made by President Bush during his latest congressional address which is carried by Earth’s primary news node, Smokehammer.

Conscious of how important the youth vote is likely to be in the upcoming Presidential elections, Dubya has also let the Warp Records posse turn his words into a couple of stonking dance anthems which can be found along with his speech at www.thesmokehammer.com

Rumours that the leader of the free world has had these contentious words put into his mouth by Chris Morris couldn’t be confirmed or denied at the time of going to press.
Caught In The Net doesn’t wish to criticise Niall Stokes, but how comes in over 25 years of writing The Message he hasn’t come out firmly against chainsaw injuries?
While he continues to bury his head in the sand – wearing FCA-approved safety goggles, of course – the good folk at www.elvex.com.facts08.htm reveal that of the 28,500 chainsaw injuries in America last year 2,686 were to the head area, 2,452 to the upper body, 10,200 to the hand area, 10,310 to the upper leg, knee and lower leg and 1,872 to the foot area. This cost the country $125 million in loss of production, medical treatment and compensation claims Don’t become part of the statistics, kids!

Proof that little Lisa Simpson’s all grown-up and indulging in highly dubious sexual practices can be found at www.stcomix.free.fr/bd, a handy compendium of cartoon characters making whoopee. If you think Ms. Simpson’s morals are loose just wait till you see what that perv Fred Flinstone’s getting up to!
Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.dollybuster.de (if only Fianna Fail had run her (pictured) instead of Royston Brady);
www.everythingbritney.net/gallery/ (Jesus Britney, you’re letting yourself go!);
and Desperate Housewives ahoy! (The actress who played Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks in new cult TV hit).