LISTEN: 12 Alternative Valentine's Songs

Tonetta - 'I Wanna Marry A Prostitute'

Kicking us off is cult Canadian icon Tonetta with a tale of what he'd do if he was ever to marry a Prostitute....

Nine Inch Nails - 'Closer'

We actually forgot how intense this video is.

Mos Def 'Miss Fat Booty'

Ass so fat that you can see it from the FRONT! 'nuff said.

Marylin Manson - ' Tainted Love'

Peak goth in popular culture moment, the jockes, the jacuzzi and your sexual awakening to Marylin Manson, good times

Donna Summer - 'Love to love you baby'

This song is the aural equivalent of lashing three blue ghosts in yer gob, dancing wildly in the club, and telling everyone in the smoking area how much you love them.

The Stooges - ' I Wanna Be Your Dog'

IN MY ROOM, I WANT YOU HERE.

Khia - 'My Neck My Back Lick It'

Ah, Khia, bless your socks. Sex positive feminist anthem of the decade.

Queens Of The Stone Age - 'Make it Wit Chu'

Josh Homme oozes sex, there is not much more we need to say.

Patrick Fitzgerald 'Safety Pin Stuck In My Heart'

Folk punk classic.

'Darling Let's Have Another Baby' - Johnny Moped

Stuart Clarke can be spotted in Hot Press HQ bopping to this one occasionally.

Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg - 'J'taime..moi non plus'

Fucking French bastards, how come everything they do is sexy yet nonchalant?? Jealous? Moi?? Pas du tout!

Bitch Falcon - 'Of Heart'

Everything. About. This. Band. Is. Lit.

Actually, we're making it a Baker's Dozen with the addition of 'Woman Of Dark Desire', Swedish extreme metallers Bathory's loving ode to Elizabeth Bathory, the Hungarian noblewoman who reputedly bathed in virgin's blood - as you do - to maintain her youthful pulchritude. Ah, Quorthon, you romantic old fool!