Long before I knew how I might feel were I ever to be faced with an unwanted pregnancy, I knew I was pro choice. I knew that I could never judge another woman’s decision in that situation, let alone force her to continue something as massively life altering as motherhood against her will. Only she could know if she were able to cope, what supports she had or didn’t have, whether she was ready or able to parent. All deeply personal. None of my business.

Then, ten years ago, I took a morning after pill. It didn’t work. Eight weeks later I was so ill and tired I thought maybe I was dying. A friend suggested I do a pregnancy test. It was positive. Before that moment, I honestly had no idea how I would react to such news – you can’t know til you’re faced with it. But in my circumstances and at that time, parenting alone was simply not possible. I felt the world shrink away from me. Everything was dark. There was only one solution for me in that moment: I booked an appointment at an abortion clinic in the Netherlands, flying over and back the same day.

But before reality came crashing in to make this so much more than theoretical – a “debate” – for me, I was pro choice. As more and more women come forward to shatter stigma and say that they, too, have made that journey, there’s a worrying trend to try to paint us as extremists, just for speaking out and busting the myth that abortion doesn’t happen here. To lash out at us and patronisingly insinuate that we don’t know what a crisis pregnancy involves. To try to shut us up again by calling us “murderers”.

Let me break down exactly what being pro choice means, because there is no one type of person or set of beliefs covered by the term. It means acknowledging that we are all living in different lives, under different circumstances and that we can’t know what someone else is going through, or faced with. It means supporting other women, regardless of what they choose, or what we feel we might do in their situation. Believe me, you won’t know til you’re in it. It means you can be morally opposed to abortion, but not stand in the way of your friend when she needs one.

Pro choice is the middle ground. It is the grey areas. It’s walking in another’s shoes and not judging. This is what is being called extreme. Anti choice campaigners have shown us recently quite how fond they are of made-up stuff. This is one myth that will not hold up.