England er Alles

It all sounds rather jolly until the likes of Robert Grainger start doing their "I'm not fascist but . . ." routine.
"Sir, I am writing this letter on 1st January, 2000," he fumes. "Despite last night's partying, this is also a day not to celebrate. From today I can no longer buy 1lb of potatoes, or 4oz of sweets or 1 yard of cloth. To make matters worse, anyone wishing to serve me in any of these measurements commits a criminal offence and faces prosecution. It is a sad day indeed when a British citizen can be prosecuted for using something British - i.e. Imperial Measurements.
"Thank you This England for your continued campaign against the Eurocrats. It may be too late for the lb but not for the #. Please continue your support for everything British. I am English and I shall never call myself a 'European'."
Actually, Mr. Grainger is a pinko-commie liberal compared to their Post Box editor who has this to say about the United States of Europe: "Whenever I fly back to London from abroad I am embarrassed to see our British Commonwealth kith and kin, plus Americans, being shunted into a file reserved for foreigners and aliens, while Fritz and Frangois grin as they glide past the immigration inspectors at Heathrow with a wave of their hateful, burgundy-coloured EU passports. I hide mine inside a replica cover of the old dark blue British passport."
That puts the kibosh on the staff-outing to Brussels. As you've probably already gleaned, This England isn't mad gone on spics, dagos, wops, frogs, krauts, cloggies or, indeed, anybody who didn't single-handedly win World War II. This includes Tony Blair who's castigated for not being born when Winnie was giving Adolf what for.
Despite its inexplicably poor sales on this side of the Irish Sea, This England has two million patriot readers worldwide including Paul De Noeyer who, the poor unfortunate, is half-Belgian.
Thankfully, he's seen the error of his foreign ways and joined the magazine's 'No Thank EU campaign'.
"My sole allegiance now is to England/Britain and our Queen," he writes. "If that means me being called a 'rascist', then so be it - I am proud to be one."
Of course, the EU invasion of Blighty isn't the only issue that their readers are interested in.
"Do you believe that the traditional sex roles and the traditional family are best for our society, and that feminism has gone too far?," asks the Concern For Family And Womanhood ad on page 79. You might like to register your own feelings on the matter by phoning (0044) 1285 720454.
Another thing This England doesn't seem overly keen on is them new fangled black people. Indeed, the only non-Aryan faces in the Spring 2000 issue belong to the heathen Gambian children who are being given a good old British education by Annie and Michael Stride: "They are bright and cheerful and eager for knowledge, polishing up their English and learning their tables by rote, as youngsters once did in English primary schools."
If you need a stiff drink after that, may we recommend Spitfire Beer which has come up with this catchy little slogan: "Bottle of Britain. Downed all over Kent. Just like the Luftwaffe!"
Laugh? We nearly joined the British Movement.