R Kelly - Black Panties

Limp return from R'n'B's least wanted

You could say that 2013 was something of a comeback year for R Kelly. The release of this, his 13th studio album, was preceded by a spate of festival and television appearances, as well as high profile collaborations with Justin Bieber (‘PYD’) and Lady Gaga (‘Do What U Want’).

But does the world really need – or want for that matter – R’n’Bs most notorious filth hound back?

On Black Panties, Kelly wastes no time getting down to the monstrous pussy talk. On the dreadful ‘Cookie’ he proclaims that, “I love to lick the middle like an Oreo.” Which is pure poetry compared to the unlistenable ‘Marry The P***y’. “Pussy talk to me/ Pussy sing to me/ Yeah, so much joy it bring to me,” he cooes. You have to remind yourself that we’re dealing with a man who’s just celebrated his 47th birthday.

And it gets even worse. On ‘Throw This Money On You’ he’s on about fucking around and making babies with an unfortunate pole-dancer whose ass is “swollen like it’s been stung by the whole hive.” Goddamit, the man is such a romantic!

And if all of that isn’t enough, there’s the prospect of Robert Sylvester Kelly’s Black Panties Tour and the festive 12 Nights Of Christmas album to look forward to later this year. Bet ya can’t wait!


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