Young, Gifted And Er, Back?

2fm’s Simon Young is the archetypal disc-jockey with all the accoutrements – deep voice, flash car, a full filofax and a mature moustache. But as the man Tony Fenton affectionally calls ‘Simes’ reaches a crossroads in his career, Hot Press decided to find out exactly what makes Simon Young, er, tick.

Jackie Hayden: Do you spend a lot of time choosing the music for your programmes?

Simon Young: Well no. I wouldn’t have time for that, what with opening supermarkets or shopping centres up and down the country and going to lunches and receptions and so on.

So how do you decide what to play?

Well there’s usually a few records lying around the studio. Or if I was badly stuck I could get a few off the fella who does the programme before me. It’s not a problem. There’s always a few tapes in the car. You know yourself.

Simon Young isn’t your real name is it?

Well, no. But I think it suits me.

But why not use your real name?

Well you don’t use your real name, do you? I never heard of a Saint Jackie. At least there is a Saint Simon. He was born in Caupessino in Northern Spain in 1047, and was tortured and boiled in oil by brigands who crossed over the border from Southern France converting people to Sikhism. Simon refused to surrender his faith they boiled him in oil. But I don’t like thinking about it very much.

How did you get into RTE in the beginning?

Well I had three uncles, a brother-in-law, and five, or was it six aunts who were all here before me. RTE runs in the family, and I suppose you could say that the family runs in RTE. I think I was destined for RTE, don’t you?

Why do you have a moustache?

When I first became a DJ in clubs and that, I bought a copy of the RTE Guide one week, and nearly everybody in it had a moustache. I was only about fourteen at the time and I thought it might be compulsory or something (laughs). So I grew one myself when I was fifteen. I still have it. The same one. It’s a footballer’s moustache. Five a side!! (laughs).

How did you feel about being moved from The Beat Box?

I was expecting it to be honest. There were a lot of people in 2FM out to get me. Professional jealousy I suppose. I think my profile was getting too high and certain people didn’t like that. People like Ian Dempsey, Larry Gogan, Tony Fenton – the more, shall we say, sensitive of our DJs.

Some people maybe didn’t think you were very good?

Who? Name them?

Well me for one. And Liam Fay.

That’s hardly a lot of people is it? I think you’re both probably out of touch with the ordinary people.

But we are ordinary people.

No you’re not. Ask Ronan Collins.

How do you get on with your fellow DJs?

There’s often a lot of tension because of the competition. Like, everybody wanted to do The Breakfast Club with Teresa Lowe, but Bob Conway got that gig. I tried not to hold that against him, but I think he knew somebody on the third floor.

What’s the third floor?

It’s 2FM jargon for the bigwigs.

A lot of DJs make lots of careless mistakes on the air. Why is that?

I don’t know that answer to that, Jimmy, although I know I’ve never made a mistake myself, because I’m a consummate professional. I suppose some people don’t put the work in. I heard Dave Fanning make a mistake there at Christmas. There’s no excuse for it.

You seem to have a good working relationship with Ian Dempsey.

Yeah, well, I’m an accomodating sort of chap. That’s my nature. I find with Ian that if you don’t put him under too much pressure he can manage most things fairly well. I don’t like him on the Beat Box though. Or on his morning shows. And I see they’ve dropped the Number One tv series. You can only get away with it for so long before…

Before what?

Well, before people realise that the Peter Principle is at work.

What is the Peter Principle?

It’s a law that says that in any organisation each individual rises to his or her own level of incompetence.

But that hardly applies in RTE to people like say, Pat Kenny or Bibi?

Not yet, but it will. Look at Pat O’Mahony. Or, if you prefer, look at Olivia O’Leary.

There don’t seem to be many women DJs in any of the stations.

Is that true? I hadn’t noticed that. Why do you think that is?

You tell me.

I suppose being a DJ is a very physical job. You need power. No woman, for example, could talk like Tony Fenton.

Why would any woman want to talk like Tony Fenton?

With the kind of money he’s earning, I think a lot of women would like to talk like Tony Fenton. Why don’t you just ask them?

I go to a lot of live gigs but I never see DJs at them. Why is that?

A lot of these gigs you go to probably take place in smokey atmospheres like pubs and so on. One night in one of those places could ruin your voice. That’s why most DJs only go to outdoor gigs; it’s for health reasons. You’ll notice that anytime there’s a big gig like Féile or Slane all of us get really behind it and give it the full lash. We’re very committed to the concept of the big gig.

It’s often been said that DJs don’t have any interest in music at all really.

I’d say that most DJs are far more interested in music than most, if not all, of their listeners. People will listen to anything you play, really. They don’t really care what you play. If I’m compering a big event say, Michael Smurfitt, the people never talk to me about the music, they’re always asking for requests and some might want to know what kind of money you earn and if there are any jobs going in RTE for their sons or daughters, or who does Zig and Zag. Most people, you know, don’t actually realise that it’s the same person who does Zig and Zag.

How do you deal with those type of questions?

I usually let my management handle that. That’s what they get their 5% commission for! (laughs).

If you weren’t in radio what other kind of work would you like to do?

I think I’d like to work in television. I’m a very visual person. I see life as a never-ending series of shapes, and I know quite a few people who like throwing them!

Is it true that you’ve had a couple of run-ins with the authorities in 2FM?

Absolutely completely and utterly untrue. Not once. Not ever. Never.

Was there not a confrontation with Bill O’Donovan, the head of the station?

That was a complete misunderstanding.

But did you actually come to blows?

Well, it was like this. Mr. O’Donovan wanted me to take over the Ian Dempsey Show and Gerry Ryan, Monday to Friday. That was okay, but then he wanted me to do the first hour of Larry Gogan’s Show as well. But we’ve been on good terms since he came out of the hospital.

Were you not flattered?

I simply refused to be part of any plot to give Larry the big E. Larry Gogan has given too much to the people of this country to be treated in this manner. And, furthermore, let me say this…

Was that the only reason?

Well, not quite. You see, Mr. O’Donovan’s plan would have had me on the air every day from seven in the morning until one o’clock. That would have meant I’d miss all the lunchtime receptions which, as you know, start usually at about half eleven.

I thought being on the air as much as possible was what all DJs aspired to?

On the contrary, being on the air too much can actually be a major distraction for a DJ. You see a DJ’s job is a sort of vocation. You’re like a priest, you’re a DJ twenty-four hours a day. You don’t see priests saying mass all day, do you? It can have a disastrous effect on your social life, that kind of demand on your time.

How can it affect your social life?

Let’s say you’re out for a meal with your loved ones, in a restaurant where there’s music playing. And you want to ask someone to pass the salt, or something like that. Well your normal DJ instincts would tell you subconsciously not to speak until the piece of music has ended or at least begins to fade out. So it can take four or five hours for a DJ to get through a simple meal in those circumstances. Some people think that he doesn’t got (sic) anything to say, but it’s just that his training stops him from talking when there’s music playing. And it’s not just restaurants, but pubs and supermarkets. It once took Gareth O’Callaghan two whole days to do his weekend shopping because there was background music playing in the store. I even heard of a chap from Rock 104 who spends most Saturdays in the lift in Switzers!

Who are you own favourite artists?

You mean for playing at home, like?

Yes. Who would you listen to on a night off?

I wouldn’t actually listen to music to be honest with you, between you and me. But I suppose for the old image I should mention a few trendy names, yeah? (laughs). Let me think now… Motorhead, I’d play them. The Brotherhood Of Man, Roger Whittaker, and Judas Priest. Sometimes, when we’re entertaining at home, my wife Phyl, allows me to put up the framed gold discs I made.

I notice none of those you mentioned are Irish?

Well, there aren’t that many Irish records released any more, are there, and you hear them all on the radio all the time anyway, don’t you?

Did you enjoy your spell on the Beat Box?

Well, it was great for the first couple of weeks, and then the novelty wore off. But if did mean that I’d be recognised everywhere I went and you’d get complimentary drinks here and there, and the supermarket would knock a few quid off the bill at the checkout, you know what I mean? The perks were great! (laughs). To be honest though, I think it was time for a change. That’s what Mr. O’Donovan said anyway.

How did you first become a radio DJ?

When I first started buying records I couldn’t figure out why they had long intros before the vocals came in. Then somebody on the radio, I think it was Arthur Murphy, explained one day that that was to allow DJs to introduce the record and give out time-checks! So I rang one of the uncles in RTE and he said fine, can you start Tuesday with your own show from 8 to 11, and when I got my photo in the RTE Guide I knew I’d made the right decision.

I don’t mean to be offensive but I think you’re crap actually, a lot of the time.

To be honest though, I don’t think you’re hearing me at my best. Or maybe you’re confusing me with Mike Moloney. Couldn’t that be the case?

I don’t think so. I just don’t think you’re very original.

Oh, I think originality is grossly over-rated. Grossly. Look at it this way. Everyday you and I drink tea or coffee or Guinness. There’s nothing original about that, is there? But you wouldn’t say to someone drinking tea, ‘hey, that’s not very original is it?’. I leave all that originality stuff to people like Pat & Elaine. By the way, do you know they’re really just one person? But, anyway, originality is a bit of a cult thing, it’s for a small elite. I’m much more interested in the preoccupations of the ordinary listener.

Who would be your own personal heroes in radio, people who’ve inspired you?

(Long pause) I suppose Rodney Rice stands out as my all-time favourite. I think if you listen to me very carefully, which I know you probably do, you’ll hear a lot of Rodney in what I’m doing. You’ll hear a lot of Rice as well (laughs) but seriously, I think Rodney has been my role model. There’s something very warm about that sort of Cork accent.

Rodney is actually from the North.

North Cork? Is that right? I must go down there sometime.

Do you get much mail from listeners?

Oh I do. Loads of it. I’d say my own personal mail must keep about two postmen, or should I say post persons, in full employment. You get all sorts of things, proposals of marriage, money, invitations to funerals, job offers from other radio stations, all sorts of stuff. And then you can make a few bob selling the stamps.
Some DJs, the more shallow ones, shall we say, keep all their post and let it pile up. Then, when they’re showing guests around the place, the visitors go ‘Jesus H Christ that’s some amount of letters, horse’ and the DJ can go a little sheepish and say ‘Yeah, it’s not bad, I suppose, and we didn’t even run a competition yesterday’. The highlight of my day is opening the post. My producer Pat Morley says that the best way for him to contact me is to write to me. Pat can be very funny sometimes.

You don’t seem to have much of a sense of humour yourself.

Well, when you look at the state of the world today, with famine and war and poverty and unemployment and pollution and all that, I think being funny – in RTE we call it high-jinks – is in very bad taste. I think it would be politically incorrect for me to have a sense of humour given the climate of world opinion today.

How do you respond to criticism?

(Pause) That, as they say, is a hard one. You see, I’ve never actually had any criticism as such, so I don’t really know how I would respond in the unlikely event that someone might criticise me.

Would you feel you might be over-sensitive to criticism?

I’ll put it to you this way. Let’s just say, I don’t have to worry about the past. My grandfather always told me ‘Don’t look after your money, look after your health’. One day I was looking after my health, I found out my money was gone. I think my grandfather took it!!

Do you think Irish DJs talk too much?

I think you’ve opened a barrel of worms here Jackie. It once took John Clarke two and a half hours to tell me he was a man of very few words, very few words indeed.

Do you ever get nervous before a broadcast?

Not now. No. I used to though. I remember the first show I ever did on the pirate A.R.D. I bit my nails so much, I nearly had to have my stomach manicured! That’s a joke, by the way! It’s 9.47! You have to laugh don’t you? Do you laugh much yourself? Tony Fenton, he gets very nervous just reading the RTE Guide.

Do you have any interest in politics?

Not really, I don’t belong to any organised political party, although I am a member of the Progressive Democrats.

But now you must have amassed a fairly large record collection, but if you don’t play music very much at home, what do you do with all those records?

Well the wife usually flings them in the garage if I bring them home, but if I had important people round to the house, like Jimmy Greeley, say, I get them out, dust them down and sort of subtly spread them all over the place – a few on the stairs, a couple in the shower y’know. Between you and me it looks good for somebody in my position and it might make someone like Jimmy feel at home.

Speaking of Jimmy Greeley, did you ever fancy becoming a newsreader?

No it’s far too depressing. It often brings tears to my eyes just listening to our own 2FM news. Sometimes I just have to switch if off and slip off somewhere quiet and shed a few tears. I don’t know how those newsreaders do it, all that famine and disaster. They must have hearts of stone. I know I couldn’t do it.

What did you think of Century Radio?

I suppose, while it lasted, it was a great way of taking your mind off entertainment. I was actually asked to join them, but I told Mr. O’Donovan ‘no way’. I mean look at the casualties. Marty Whelan ending up swapping knitting patterns with Derek and Thelma on Live At Three.

Sure, but a job’s a job.

I know, but Marty absolutely hates knitting (laughs).

You say you’re in big demand around the country, but isn’t that because you don’t charge very much? Is it true you do some gigs for as little as £30?

It’s true, but that’s off the record, not for publication, alright?

I get the impression you actually like working in RTE.

Of course I do. It’s a great place, a world of its own. It’s like an Olympic village, firing range and all (laughs). We even have our own post office, which is handy for the Christmas cards, our own credit union, a gym, a bar, a few canteens, all subsidised. Free parking, provided you have a car, FBI style security, a creche, shower rooms, crazy paving, crazy golf, crazy people – the lot.

What has been your most embarrassing moment on the air?

(Laughs) Well, when I was on Poparama years ago, I actually spent about twenty minutes interviewing a guy I thought was an Olympic boxer. It turned out that he was actually a gardener!

How did he react to that?

I don’t think he noticed, to be honest. He was probably too overwhelmed being on the air with someone as renowned as myself. He took it well, anyway.

Do you prefer being on radio to television?

Oh I do, I do. On radio you don’t get all that sex and violence. Not on the air anyway. You see films on Network 2 nowadays that the chemist wouldn’t have developed for you five years ago. Do you smoke, by the way?

Do you think the image of the DJ as portrayed in the media is an accurate one?

I do actually. I think the media is very fair to each other. Like I’d never slag off someone like Eamon Dunphy, and I know he’d never slag me off. We have a kind of unspoken pact, a bond. It’s an emotional thing really, a sort of, we’re all in it together. One for all, all for one.

You said earlier that you don’t have much interest in politics. How about religion?

I think religion is very important. Everybody should have at least one religion. I was only talking about that the other day to Smiley Bolger. I often go to Smiley to talk about the more serious philosophical aspects of the world as we know it.

And what had Smiley to say?

Nothing much really, just the usual shite, rantin’ and ravin’ about some band in McGonagles. Give it a rest Smiley.

How do you see Irish radio developing in the future?

Eventually, I suppose, every street will have its own radio station. It’ll be a kind of Gossip FM. We’ll all be able to stay at home with our PCs and IBMs and CDCs and have our own in-house radio station. Mark my words, that’s the direction we’re going in, and who am I to say stop, even if I wanted to? Radio, 24 hours a day, that’s the future as I see it.

But we already have radio 24 hours a day.

Do we? I’m not sure about that, but even allowing that we have, it doesn’t alter my central argument, does it? The future may already be upon us even as we speak.

Are you interested in sport at all?

(Pause) I’ve gone off sport since all that drug stuff crept into it. And as for all those joggers, it’s not something I’d want my kids to have anything to do with. It’s all a bit, how shall I put it, sordid? I think all sport should be on television, and there should be no live sport at all. It only attracts hooligans. It’s all wrong for radio, of course. Synchronised swimming or gymnastics don’t work on radio, and they only attract the kind of people I wouldn’t like to mix with anyway. Our education system has gone to hell.

Do you read a lot?

I used to until I discovered I was anorexic.

I think you mean dyslexic?

That’s what I said.

That must make it difficult when you have to read out requests?

Not really. I get them retyped with the letters mixed up. Then I can read them fairly easily. It’s a trick I picked up from one of the English Sunday newspapers a couple of years ago in article by Hunter S. Thompson. Ever heard of him? Apparently he could speak as well as read dyslexic. I suppose it’s like the way some people think in italics or brackets. Listen to Gerry Ryan talking. He uses brackets all the time, but it takes a lot of practice.