The sex o'clock news

CHEESY PIZZA
An entrepreneur in Winnipeg has come up with a novel way of shifting more pizzas – by printing titillating pictures on the bottom of the pizza box. Porno Pizza (I kid you not) has a range of pictures from softly lit nudies to hardcore sex shots and the image is revealed as you tuck in. Owner Corey Wildeman says he hit upon the idea while talking to friends about classic “pizza delivery guys meet lonely lady” porn films. Business is brisk (well, teenage boys love pizza) and although the business has only been open a few weeks, Wildeman is planning to franchise the idea. Greasy!

WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Adult industry star Lara Madden has been taking to court by an old school friend for using her name as a porn star alias. Madden performs under the name Syvette Wimberly and has appeared in a number of adult films for Vivid Entertainment. Now, her former classmate is suing for invasion of privacy and emotional distress and wants financial compensation as well as an injunction to stop Madden using her name. Perhaps someone should have told Madden that your porn star name should be your first pet’s name and your mother’s surname. Mine’s Bambi Martin – she’s welcome to it.

TOO BUSTY FOR THE BUS
A bus driver in Germany threatened a 20-year-old passenger with eviction from the bus because of her cleavage. According to Bild newspaper, the driver shouted at the passenger that her cleavage was distracting him every time he looked in the mirror and that he couldn’t concentrate on the traffic. The driver then instructed her to sit somewhere else – or he would throw her off the bus! While the passenger claims the driver humiliated her, the bus company defended him, saying he did the right thing as this distraction would have put all the passengers in danger. Oh, to have those assets…
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM, DREAM, DREAM, DREAM…
Men may devote more of their waking hours to thinking about sex, but Sleep 2007, a Canadian study, has found that men and women think about sex in equal measure once the head has hit the pillow. That’s where the similarities end as the study found that the sexes dream about different things. Women fantasize about film and rock stars (strangely enough, St Bono was a popular choice), politicians (oh Bertie, man of my dreams…) and past or present lovers, while men like to visualize themselves getting it on with multiple partners in public or unknown settings. Interestingly, in 90% of the male erotic dreams studied the women made the first move.

WEB
Here’s a humdinger of a website. If like me, you’re a bit of a voyeur, you’ll love I Feel Myself, a website dedicated to exploring the many ways women bring themselves to orgasm through masturbation. I Feel Myself is the sister website to I Shot Myself and Beautiful Agony (both quality sites) – but unlike Beautiful Agony, which concentrates on people’s expressions, I Feel Myself shows the whole body experience of orgasm, right down to the curling of the toes in pleasure. Most of the videos are of solo experiences although there are a few with two or more people. Great stuff. Membership is AUS$24 per month. See www.ifeelmyself.com.

SEX TIP OF THE ISSUE
When it comes to handjobs I know what works, or has worked for, the men in my life, past and present. But I was wondering if perhaps women are sometimes a little too artistic when it comes to administering this most basic of sexual favours so I thought I’d get a male perspective. Now all blokes are different, but this is what I was told!
Remove all jewellery first, even if you are using loads of lube. He can still feel your rings.
Be careful with your fingernails.
Lubrication of some kind is necessary, at least initially. If you don’t have any, use saliva or your own natural juices.
Handjobs generally should be about bringing a man to orgasm quickly – no mucking about with foreplay or taking things slowly required.
There’s no need to get too fancy as long as you have mastered this basic technique: your forefinger and thumb should be massaging both the head and the shaft in a “milking” motion. If he doesn’t seem to be getting off on it, then ask him if you should do it tighter or looser to heighten his pleasure.
Talking will speed up the process. This should be good, potent dirty talk, with lashings of sex – not questions about whether he is about to come or requests for him not to aim at your new skirt.
Pretty straightforward!