The sex o'clock news

LIVE BY THE ORGAN, DIE BY THE ORGASM
Sometimes we all need a little extra income, but when church authorities at St. Joseph Catholic Parish in Green Bay, Wisconsin found out that their organist, Linette Servais, was moonlighting as a sex toy sales rep, they decided that they no longer required her services. Servais survived cancer but found that the treatment had left her sexually dysfunctional and that the toys she sells helped her to overcome these problems. Since the priests forced Servais out, the choir has quit in protest and the sex toy row appears to be tearing the small parish apart.

CHEETAH CHEATERS
New research has shown that female cheetahs in the Serengeti mate with more males than originally thought and shows that nearly half of their litters are made up of cubs with different fathers. This behaviour ensures a broader genetic mix and will help the survival of the endangered species. However even for cheetahs, sleeping around is not without risks as mating with more than one male increases the risk of exposure to parasites and disease.

ANYBODY FANCY A SLIGHTLY USED EX?
Here’s a singles night with a difference. Fancy My Friend is holding a champagne reception at the Purty Kitchen (formerly Bad Bob’s) on 15 June. As the name implies, everybody attending must bring a single straight friend of the opposite sex to gain admittance to the event, as this ensures an even mix of single people. And as at least one person of the opposite sex has vouched for his or her friend, the number of, shall we say, weirdos should be limited. Entrance is 25 at the door or 20 online. As the 15th is tomorrow, register now if you are interested. See www.fancymyfriend.net

SEXTON’S MISCELLANY
SCORING AT A SINGLES NIGHT
Let’s say you decide to attend Fancy my Friend. The website Moxie in the City has some advice from a singles events organizer to help your chances of scoring – or at least meeting someone you might get on with. Like any social situation there are at least notional Dos and Don’ts. Here they are:

• Switch your mobile off - Talking on your phone is rude and tells people that you are not particularly keen to talk to them.
• Don’t travel in a pack - Bringing a mate for moral support is fine, but if you travel with an entourage you’ll be far less approachable.
• Do keep your opinions about the others to yourself - If you make disparaging remarks about some of the guests, you may be overheard and thus branded a jerk or a bitch.
• Do be self-aware - Your friends might love your sarcastic humour but will a stranger? Think about how what you say may be perceived by people who don’t know you.
• Do remember the difference between “outgoing” and “aggressive” - Smiling, saying hello and chatting is outgoing. Bombarding people with questions and opinions is aggressive.
• Do dress appropriately - Make an effort and think about how you’ll be perceived. Suggestive outfits should only be worn if you are after a one-night stand (and why not?) but not if you hope to meet the ‘One.’
• Don’t drink too much.

Obviously…