The Sex o'clock news

ANIMAL PASSION IN THE CITY OF TRIBES
If you were advised to ‘get out and meet people’, chances are you’d head to a pub, club or an evening class. Following this advice, Thomas McCarney booked into a hotel room in Galway city centre and brought along a donkey for company. McCarney apparently told the hotel receptionist that the donkey was a family pet and a kind of ‘super rabbit’. During the night, the donkey ran riot in the hallways, forcing staff to call the Gardai for assistance. When the Gardai arrived they found McCarney dressed in latex and wearing a pair of handcuffs, the keys to which the donkey had swallowed. McCarney was later charged with cruelty to animals and lewd behaviour and was fined €2000. According to his solicitor, McCarney has been going through a difficult time since the breakdown of his marriage and his counsellor had advised him to meet new people and do ‘interesting things’. Interesting, indeed.

MODERN GROOMING – ARE YOUR NIPPLES PINK ENOUGH?
Just when we’ve got used to the Hollywood wax, females everywhere will be encouraged to rouge their nipples using Benefits Benetint. Originally made as a colour for lips and cheeks, Benetint is now been touted as a kiss-proof colour to make nipples pert and rosy pink. Resist the marketing, women of Ireland. Nipples may be brown, tan, pale pink or rosy – but they are all beautiful.

007 LICENSED TO KILL (JOY)
Bond actor, Daniel Craig, has apparently requested to be kept covered up during the super spy’s next outing. According to friends of the actor, Craig was uncomfortable with the amount of nudity in Casino Royale and was unhappy about all the attention focused on his swimming trunks shots. Craig wants fans to concentrate on his acting talent instead.

WEB
ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY PORN
Fuck For Forest is a sex site with a difference. Run by Norwegians, Leona and Tommy, FFF is a project to raise funds to be used for environmental projects in the rain forests of Brazil and Costa Rica. Your $15 monthly membership gives you access to photos and videos, including daily live shows (no, not of trees, dumbo), $12 of which goes towards environmental work. Leona and Tommy believe that humanity’s distrust of sexuality is linked to our destruction of the planet and hope to reclaim both nature and sex as intrinsically beautiful. Go on, sign up, it’s a worthy cause. See www.fuckforforest.com.

SEXTON’S MISCELLANY
SCORING MISTAKES
In sex and love, sometimes it’s the nice guys that finish last. According to the website, Full Contact Dating, these are the most common mistakes blokes make while trying to pick up a girl.
Being Nervous – Women don’t bite. Not until it’s appropriate anyway.
2. Asking Too Many Questions – Tell us an amusing story instead.
3. Trying to Impress Her – Whatever you do, don’t brag.
4. Not Approaching – Faint heart never won fair maiden.
5. Hiding Your Intentions – Yes, some women actually do think you’re just chatting.
6. Talking Too Fast – Makes you look nervous and hyper.
7. Waiting For Her to Make a Move – Won’t happen with most Irish girls.
8. Waiting Too Long to Make a Move – Now we only want to be friends.
9. Being Needy – Ultimate passion killer.
10. Being Predictable – Predicable = boring.

This week's top sex tip: Slip into something more comfortable - using masturbation sleeves
For those of you who don’t know them, a masturbation sleeve is a long tube of either jelly or silicone used for masturbation. Single men are their most frequent users, but there’s no reason why they can’t be used by a couple.
Start by licking and teasing to get your partner aroused before putting on the sleeve. If neither of you have used one before, it might be a good idea to let him do this. Lube him up well or the sleeve may chaff. Once he’s inside, it’s just like giving him a hand job. Essentially you do everything you’d normally do in this situation, but with this extra addition.
Once you get used to the sleeve’s motions you can use it with greater pressure and be more daring – but it’s best to start slowly until you are sure what you’re doing. Not too slowly though! And remember, just because you are using a toy, that’s no excuse to ignore his balls, ass and thighs.
There are a variety of sleeves out there – plain, textured and some may be longer than others. Log on to the web and check out Orgasm Army or We Review Sex Toys, to have a look at what’s available. A word of caution to blokes who’ve never used a toy before – sometimes you need to try a few before you find the one that’s right for you. If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. It’ll be worth it!