The Sex O'Clock News

Huntin’ Shootin’ Fuckin’
However you feel about pornography, you’d have to admit that combining it with hunting is more than a little disturbing. A South Florida company, Sexy Outdoor Sports, thought there might be a niche market for this kind of thing and hired porn actress, Daisy Duxxx to kill a buffalo with a hunting rifle, then videotaped her having hardcore sex with a man next to the slain animal. The porn industry itself is up in arms accusing Sexy Outdoor Sports of tarnishing the image of the adult industry. It is unclear whether or not the footage will ever be released.

But is it Art?
Norwegian judges can sometimes be a liberal bunch. An Oslo court ruled that a local strip club was exempt from imposing a 25-percent value-added tax (VAT) on entry fees because stripping was an art form, similar to ballet or theatre. Norway’s laws regarding stripping are relatively inconsistent and the court case revived a debate that erupted in 2002, when it emerged that conventional striptease performances were subject to VAT, while tickets for a performance by the male strip group The Chippendales were not. If a nightclub can prove that performances are artistic they can take advantage of the tax break. However, one person’s art is another’s vulgar display of flesh, so the judgment is bound to cause further controversy.

STIMULATION FOR EARS AND EYES
Books
Is your office a hotbed of lust and intrigue? Sadly, mine isn’t, but then I can always indulge vicariously. Wicked Words: Sex In The Office edited by Kerri Sharp is Black Lace Books first themed collection. The 15 short stories explore the forbidden lusts in the work place. The stories explore favorite fantasies –sexy executives, sassy lady bosses in killer heels, uniformed security guards, couriers in leather and more, all putting in some special overtime above and beyond the call of duty. Wicked Words is available from Amazon UK and priced at £6.39.
Toys
Dynamite comes in small packages. The Palm Pal Clitoral Stimulator is a tiny two-speed vibrator, but it packs a punch, offering fairly intense stimulation despite it’s mini size. With its contoured shape and steel tip, the Palm Pal can be inserted for extra stimulation. It comes with a wrist strap and translucent casing, making it look more like a large memory stick than a sex toy. At just 8cm long, it will fit into even a small evening handbag. The Palm Pal is available from LoveHoney.co.uk and priced at £11.99.

SEXTON'S MISCELLANY
Sperm Count
I’m sure most of you have had some fairly intimate dealings with spunk, either your own that belonging to someone else. My parent’s always told me not to play with strangers, so here’s the lowdown on the goo, just so you know:
*Actual amount of semen per ejaculation is about 1-2 teaspoons
*A man will ejaculate about 7,200 times during his life time.
*Average number of times he will ejaculate from masturbation is around 2,000.
*Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate is approximately 14 gallons (that’s just under half a full bath tub).
*Ejaculated sperm travels at approximately 28 miles per hour (if only it could keep going long enough, it would break the 100 metres world record).
*Swallowing won’t affect your diet. A teaspoon of sperm contains a mere 7 calories
*The distance a sperm travels to fertilize an egg is 3-4 inches. The human equivalent would be 26 miles, which – in an odd piece of synchronicity – is just about the distance of the marathon.
*It takes a sperm only 2.5 seconds to fertilize an egg.
*A sperm’s life span is about 2.5 months from development to ejaculation.

So now, you know it all.

THIS ISSUE’S TOP SEX TIP: Look Mom, No Hands!
Condoms are a necessary precaution, but there is no denying that they can interrupt the flow of foreplay. So make them part of the action – learn to put one on with your mouth.
This takes practice, so be prepared to lose a few condoms during the learning process. Unroll it about an inch (2.5cm) and put the condom in your mouth, tip first. Keep the remaining unrolled part against your lips, as if you were about to blow a bubble with gum.
Put the condom on his penis with your mouth and roll it down with your lips, keeping your lips tight. Suck gently on the condom tip so that it doesn’t go on too tight. If you are having difficulties at this point, you may need to cheat and use your hand to get the condom on properly.
It’s easiest to practice this with non-lubricated condoms. However, these can be a bit uncomfortable for both partners. Avoid this by rubbing lube onto your partner’s penis before putting the condom on and add some more to the outside for smoother sex.
Who knows, if you get good enough, a job in a circus might just beckon!