The Sex O'Clock News

It’s all in the nose
Scientists have long known that women use body odour to sniff out potential partners ensuring a good genetic mix for any progeny resulting from the relationships. However, Swiss scientist Dr Claus Wedekind has discovered that women on the Pill get reverse preferences and are more drawn to genes similar to their own. Apparently this is because the Pill simulates pregnancy. Pregnant women are apparently attracted to similar genes as they seem like family, and family members are more likely to take an interest in any offspring. We’ll have to contemplate the implications of that just a little bit…

New hit record for Janet
Lycos, the internet search engine, has revealed that pictures of Janet Jackson’s infamous ‘wardrobe malfunction’ was the top item surfers searched for in 2004. Janet’s Superbowl exposure prompted 60 times as many requests as Paris Hilton’s amateur porn antics, which was placed second.

Stimulation for Ears and Eyes

Books
Take the hassle out of searching for erotica on the internet by using Amazon’s e-book facility. Novels and collections of short stories can be downloaded in Adobe PDF format. There are many advantages over your local bookshop – a great range of titles to choose from, readers’ reviews on tap – and not having to face a nosey shop assistant. Moreover the e-books are marvellously cheap. At between £2 – £4 Sterling you can download as many as take your fancy. See www.amazon.co.uk.

Web
Be a domestic and a sex god or goddess by visiting Porn Bread. Yes indeed, Porn Bread is a site offering recipes and instructions on making some rather unusual baked goods! Choose from the Penis Pretzel, Vagina Danish, the Ejaculating Éclair, and my personal favourite, the Gingerbread Kama Sutra Cookies. Tasty. Porn Bread’s philosophy is simple – yeast is cheaper than Viagra. See www.porn-bread.com.

Sexton’s Miscellany: One-Night Stand Etiquette
I cannot overstress in importance of manners when it comes to all things sexual. Certain people may think that because there is no intention of seeing a one-night stand again that they can afford to be lax in this department. However it’s in your best interests to ensure that even extremely casual partners remember you with fondness. You never know where or when you may run into them again – or what prospective conquest they might just end up spilling the beans to. Ladies and gentlemen would do well to adhere to the following guidelines:
Sometimes you’ll strike it lucky and both the conversation and the sex will be sensational. Should your partner suggest a second meeting at some unspecified future date, it is not necessary to bolt like a frightened deer. If someone likes you enough to want a repeat performance, it does not mean they want a relationship.
Discretion, except among close friends, is advised. Just because someone is a stranger to you, does not mean they are to your acquaintances or colleagues. Bragging afterwards could cost you dearly.
Good manners dictate that you should always say good-bye. Be nice – it won’t cost you. Leave a note if necessary.
And finally, always practice safe sex.

This Issue's Top Sex Tip: Use Your Head!
The erotic potential of the head and hair is often overlooked. True, this may be more sensual than red-hot, but that doesn’t mean that it should be overlooked. Try the following.
A head massage helps de-stress the entire body. Use firm strokes on the head, paying attention to the back of the head and temples.
Brushing or combing your lover’s hair can be a very intimate experience. As long as you don’t hurt them that is, so be careful.
If you have long hair, use it to stroke your lover’s body. An ex of mine would run his hair down my back and across my ass. Slightly ticklish but very nice indeed.
A friend of mine with very, very long hair suggests wrapping it around the penis while giving a hand job. As I have short hair, I can’t check the efficacy of this. However, as spunk is supposedly good for your crowning glory, it may just be worth a try!