The Sex O'Clock News

Standing up for little men
Dave Parker of Ohio has filed a class action lawsuit against Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals for deceptive sales practices. Parker saw ads in Esquire and GQ for a ‘male enhancement’ herbal concoction and forked over $400 for the dodgy brew. After eight months, Dave noticed no ‘improvement’ and took the company up on it’s ‘Double Money-Back’ guarantee. The company reneged, saying the offer had expired (bet they thought no one would ever go public in response!). Now the sleazy suits that prey on male insecurities will have to fork over thousands to defend themselves, and may go out of business.

Human trails of new anti-HIV gels announced

British researchers are planning human trials of two ‘microbicide’ gels to see if they can prevent the transmission of HIV. The gels act like invisible condoms and both men and women can apply the gels to their genitals before sex.

The anals of the bizarre
The American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology published a report of a 20-year-old man who’d decided to pioneer the concrete enema. Apparently no one told him that concrete hardens. The surgeons who removed the concrete column observed that it was a “perfect concrete cast of the rectum.” As if that wasn’t enough, when the surgeons chipped a piece off the column, they found a ping-pong ball inside it! What had he been up to?

Stimulation for Eyes and Ears

Web
Check out www.sexinfo101.com for great sex tips and positions. I particularly like the positions, which are illustrated with wooden mannequins. This makes them a lot easier to follow than line drawings or text alone. Also worth taking a look at are the articles which cover a number of topics from sex toy hygiene, Kegel exercises, lasting longer and the erotic potential of hot wax.

Books
Curious about female fantasies? See the Black Lace Book of Women’s Sexual Fantasies, complied and edited by Kerri Sharp. The book is a compilation of the sexual reveries of hundreds of ordinary women and explores both popular and bizarre erotic fantasies, and examines the cultural influences that shape our desires. Priced at €10.07 and available at www.buy4now.ie/Eason

Sexton’s Miscellany
Quotable quotes to add sparkle to your dinner party conversation:

“There is nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.” – Lewis Grizzard

“Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.” – Butch Hancock

“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.” – Spike Milligan

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.” – Woody Allen

“I’m all for bring back the birch, but only between consenting adults.” –Gore Vidal

More Weird Sex Laws
• In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
• In London, it’s illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.
• The early Christian church forbade couples from having sex on Wednesdays, Fridays and naturally, Sundays.
• In Indiana, moustaches are illegal if the bearer has a “tendency to habitually kiss other humans.”
• In 18th century France a woman found guilty of prostitution could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera.
• An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.”

Music
This week it’s got to be Einsturzende Neubauten’s new album Perpetuum Mobile. Continuing the slowed-down approach taken in their last two releases, this new Neubaten effort is nicely pared down, beautifully melodic and great to engage in langorous sex to.

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This issue's hot sex tip...How to give good hand

The old in-out-in-out method could be more likely to send your partner to sleep than into the throes of passion. Here are some techniques to add to your repertoire:

Place a well-lubricated hand over the labia, with your fingers pointing down towards the ass. Stroke upwards, alternating hands, exploring both the inner and outer lips. Rub the outer lips between your forefinger and thumbs, then the inner lips. Be gentle though!
Insert one finger into the vagina, and when your partner is ready insert two. Arch your thumb back until it rests against the clitoris. Wriggle, twist and thrust your hand (all at the same time, useless!). Build gently, and listen out for instructions…

While your fingers are inside the vagina, place your free hand on the lower part of her abdomen. Experiment by applying different types of pressure while your fingers caress from inside.