The Sex O'Clock News!

Moving faster than a speeding bullet – it’s the Condom Crusader
A 24-year-old Australian was fined $100 for speeding after risking arrest to deliver condoms to his cousin. In court, the magistrate commended Lee Collinson’s behaviour, liking him to the Good Samaritan and stated, “When Poms ask Australians to define mateship, your circumstances could serve as a very good example.”

Ignorance not always bliss
– Virginity pledgers have same rate of STDs
A study by Columbia University in New York has revealed that teenagers who pledge to stay virgins until marriage have the same rate of sexually transmitted diseases as other teenagers. 88% of the teenagers who took the pledge engaged in pre-marital sex – but were less likely to use condoms. Under US law, abstinence programmes risk losing their funding if they teach sex education and Church-based programmes are openly hostile to condoms, preaching that they don’t guard against disease.

Stimulation for Eyes and Ears
Web
Tried of waiting weeks for your on-line purchases? Take a squizz at Lovehoney then. A cheesy name perhaps, but Lovehoney claims to be Ireland’s best sex toy store, and they certainly have a decent range. Purchases are discreet, and a bogus inoffensive name, which I won’t reveal here, will appear on your credit card statement. In addition to toys, Lovehoney stocks erotic books, DVDs and lingerie. See www.lovehoney.ie.

Toys
Relinquish control with the Remote Control Torpedo. This stylish 5-inch vibrator comes with a remote control that’s effective up to 50 feet. Obviously it’s a bit too big for public fun and games, but it could mean that you won’t have to wait until after the football. Priced at €51.20 from www.lovehoney.ie.

Books
A handy guide for singletons is The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Date & Sex. For those not familiar with the series The Worst Case Scenario gives practical and amusing tips to deal with difficult situations. The Dating & Sex guide has some gems. How to spot if your date is an axe murderer; how to escape from a bad date; deal with bad breath; have sex in a small space and – most importantly – what to do if you wake up next to someone whose name you can’t remember. The series is available on order from most good bookstores or see www.worstcasescenarios.com or www.chroniclebooks.com.

Sexton’s Miscellany

Sex is evil, bad and dirty!
Strangely enough, sex is not universally popular. The German philosopher, Schopenhaur regarded sex as “an act which on sober reflection one recalls with repugnance, and in a more elevated mood, even with disgust.” He’s not alone in these views. W.T. Stead reckoned sex was “monstrously indecent.”
Until relatively recently, America played home to the bizarrely named ‘Society for the Indecency to Naked Animals.’ The Society’s mission was to cover the naked sex organs of animals. Efforts were made to design bikinis for stallions, petticoats for cows and boxer shorts for smaller animals.
Modern day puritans are bad enough, but compared to our illustrious forebears we are still getting off lightly. In medieval Europe, homosexuality was punishable by death, as was masturbation in old Judaic law. In Rome, the seducer of a Vestal Virgin was scourged to death. A simple death sentence seems kind in comparison to the punishment meted out to an unfaithful royal concubine in ancient China. They risked having the arms and legs torn from their sockets, their eyes gouged out and liquid lead being poured into their open wounds, vagina and anus. A pretty effective deterrent I’d imagine.
Source: The Illustrated Book of Sexual Records, G.L. Simons

Music
It may be getting warmer, but wet spring days are a great excuse to stay home in bed. Zero7’s latest offering When it Falls is lush, melodic and harmonious and is my soundtrack du jour for lazy love-ins.

THIS ISSUE'S HOT SEX TIP:
Shaven genitals can be very erotic. The lack of hair not only looks and feels great, but can increase sensitivity. And as a bonus for blokes, a naked penis looks larger. However, shaving the groin is not without hazards. If you trust them, get your partner to do it. Here’s how:
If you have long pubic hairs, trim them first.
Take a warm bath or shower first to soften the skin and rinse with cool water. Use hair conditioner to soften the pubes.
Apply shaving cream and wait a few minutes.
Use a sharp blade, and shave with the grain. Don’t shave over the same area more than twice. This helps avoid skin irritation.
Clean the area afterwards. Apply a soothing gel or cream. I recommend pure aloe vera. Cheap, effective and available from most chemists.
It is gonna get a bit itchy a few days later. Don’t scratch! Reduce irritation by practicing good hygiene and apply aloe vera every day.