The Sex O'Clock News

Manson settles lawsuit

Good news for Marilyn Manson fans. Manson has settled the lawsuit brought against him by a security guard who claimed Manson sexually assaulted him by wrapping his legs around the guard’s neck and gyrating against him wearing a leather thong and stockings. My friend Liz would pay good money to have swapped places with the security guard.

Eight year old boy accused of sexual harassment

Sometimes political correctness can go to ridiculous extremes. An eight-year-old boy has been suspended from school in America for kissing an eight-year-old classmate. The girl’s parent’s claim the boy “sexually harassed” their daughter. Cases like these trivialise genuine instances of sexual harassment. However, if I can get hold of him, I might just sue the little boy who gave me my first sloppy kiss when I was eight, and then snogged my friend two minutes later. I’ll be citing emotional trauma. Donovan Z, wherever you are, you have been warned.

Stimulation for Eyes and Ears

Web
This fortnight’s website of choice is the Sex Project, a handy, easy to use site packed with information on everything from genital shaving to genital warts. The sex guides are practical, well-written and easy to understand. Also featured are articles, opinion pieces and an interactive section allowing you to post questions and chat with others.
Visit www.sex-project.com.

Books
Staying with the submissive/dominant theme, this fortnight’s book of choice is Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s legendary novel, Venus In Furs. In 1869, Sacher-Masoch made a pact with an aspiring writer, Fanny Pistor, giving her absolute control over him. Venus In Furs in based on these experiences, intertwining fantasy and reality. Regarded as the definitive exploration of the submissive/dominant relationship, the novel follows the story of Wanda, a cruel, controlling mistress and Severin, her adoring supplicant. Available on order from all good bookstore.

Sexton’s Miscellany

Strange laws
• In Pennsylvania, there is a law against having sex with a truck driver in a tollbooth. But can you have sex with a tollbooth operator in a truck, I wonder?

• Having sex in a butcher’s meat freezer is against the law in Wyoming. I don’t get this one at all. Why would you want to? Was there an outbreak of lusty couples invading the town’s meat freezers? Is freezer burn is worse than carpet burn? They must be really kinky in Wyoming.

• In Utah, you are not allowed have sex in an ambulance. I guess that really would be an emergency service. Couldn’t resist the bad pun…apologies all.

• And finally a sensible one. In Minnesota no man is allowed to make love to his wife if his breath smells of smell of onions, garlic or sardines. If his wife requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

This issue's top sex tip:

Never under-estimate the power of a good kiss. If you are trying to persuade some unsuspecting member of the opposite sex that you might be a good proposition, it’s your make-or-break tool. Start slowly, kissing the outside of the lips. Gradually increase the pressure, then use your tongue. Your tongue should explore the inside of the other person’s mouth, not ravage it. Sucking the other person’s lips or tongue can be a great turn-on. Just be sure you don’t hurt them.
These are the most common crimes against kissing. Avoid them and you’ve nothing to worry about.
The Washing Machine: Rotates their tongue round and round and round.
The Tongue Biter: Ouch. Not sexy at all.
The Electrolux: Tries to suck your tongue out of your mouth.
The Dribbler. If it’s getting too wet, pull back and swallow. Gobbing all over your partner’s face is not an option.
The Teeth Gnasher. Bangs their teeth into yours every few minutes.
The Wrestler: Holds your head in a vice-like grip.