The Sex O Clock News Column

BBC to show live Sperm Race
BBC Three’s science programme Lab Rats plays host to the World Sperm Sprinting Championships. The show’s hosts, Zeron Gibson and Mike Leahy will ejaculate into glass tubes and the sperm race will be filmed by microscope. A fertility expert will examine the health of their sperm and predict the winner. Considering the popularity of jerking off, I wonder if sperm racing will ever become an Olympic event?

Spanish men most likely to visit Prostitutes
A survey by Spain’s National Statistics Institute found that 27% of Spanish men have paid for sex at least once during their lifetimes, the highest number of any European country. The survey attributes this to Spanish women being more conservative than their European counterparts, with 55% of Spanish women claiming to have only slept with one partner.

Pay-TV porn incites bad behaviour
Scandinavia may be renowned for sexual tolerance, but a hotel employee’s union in Norway hopes to ban porn on pay-TV. According to the union, watching porn incited male hotel guests to accost hotel staff. Apparently the most popular trick with horny guests is to call for extra towels and proposition the chambermaid when she arrives.

Stimulation for Ears and Eyes

Books
They say only a man really knows how to really satisfy another man. Or at least that’s what my gay friends tell me with a smirk. I have my doubts, but Dan Anderson’s Sex Tips for Straight Women From A Gay Man promises to reveal all the tricks and tips you’ll ever need to be a sex goddess. Available from Amazon.com and priced at $15.40.

Lubricant
There are some perks to being your resident sex columnist. A while ago I received a package in the post consisting of clitoral stimulators and lubricant by a company called Vielle. The stimulators are designed as a medical product, not a sex toy, and work fairly well. However, the lubricant was absolutely fantastic. Smooth and silky, it doesn’t become sticky like some lubes and is safe to use with condoms and sex toys. Vielle lubricant and clitoral stimulators will be available in Ireland from August at most Boots stores.

Web
A great site that explores the irreverent side of sex is Hoot Island – Silly Sex for Silly People. Featuring an array of articles both funny and informative, pictures, poetry, sex tips, shopping and just the plain bizarre, Hoot Island offers hours of entertainment. I particularly liked the Victorian Sex Cry Generator. Why say the bland and obvious after great sex, when you could come out with “You have slain me! No attacker’s spear could strike me down as thoroughly as your sweet actions! I am spent, and may greet St. Peter with a tired grin.” But if words aren’t your thing, the Virtual Blowjob may well be. Something for everyone with a sense of humour. See www.hootisland.com.

Sexton’s Miscellany

All about the penis
The poor penis. It gives us much pleasure, but its aesthetics have been the butt of many a joke. It’s time to claim back its glory. Leonardo Da Vinci said “Man is in the wrong being ashamed to exhibit it, when he ought to adorn and display it” – or in the words of the more prosaic Homer Simpson, “The human wang is a beautiful thing”.
A great site dedicated to the penis is www.my-penis.org and features advice, facts, information, anecdotes, stories and suggestions to get the most pleasure and fun out of your penis.