The long and the short of it

I’ve been pondering that age-old question this week – does size matter? My friend Tina* (no, not Tiny, she’s a girl!) thinks so. Recently, she told me that the man in her life is the best lover she’s ever had and that he’s more than generously endowed in the old trouser snake department. And she loves it!

Which is great for her – but a scan through most books about sexuality will tell you that since the vagina can stretch or contract to accommodate almost any penis, size makes no difference. Only the first three to four inches of the vagina are sensitive anyway, so by rights any penis longer than this should do the job just fine. Well, better than fine, hopefully, but you know what I mean.
However, those same books will also tell you that stretching the vagina produces pleasurable sensations. Which explains why fingering – or digital sex to use the correct term – can be so damn good, why cock rings are always a popular seller and why dildos and vibrators are available in a variety of sizes. So – is it girth rather than length that counts?
What’s average anyway? Depending on the surveys you read, the average erect length seems to vary between five and seven inches. There are a few of reasons for this two-inch difference. (1) In self-reporting surveys, guys tend to exaggerate even when their answers are anonymous; (2) the size of the same man’s hard-on can vary depending on how horny he is; (3) in a small sample, one very large or very small penis can skew the figures; and (4) companies that have something to sell such as penis pumps or erectile surgery sometimes do surveys that end up being ‘weighted’ to suit their commercial ends.
That’s worth remembering, if you ever get the urge to compare yourself with figures you find on the internet. However, here’s something you can probably believe. A 2006 study in the Journal Of Men And Masculinity found that while 85% of women are happy with their partner’s penis size, 45% of men would like to be bigger.
I’ve thought long and hard (ha ha) on the question but from personal experience I can only come to one conclusion – I don’t know. This much I can say: I’ve never once felt the need to whip out the measuring tape and size up the goods. That extra half an inch might be important to Victoria Beckham, but to be honest, I haven’t really been paying attention. In fact, I don’t care if a man is tall or short as long as he looks good, smells nice and keeps me amused and interested. And is good with his tongue. My feelings about the penis are fundamentally no different.
I suppose then that most of my lovers must have been average. Sorry boys. That doesn’t sound especially complimentary, but I mean it in the best possible way. Sure, there have been some differences in length and width – but not having dealt with extremities of any kind, I can’t say I’ve noticed that this made much of a difference either way.
Some guys are certainly better between the sheets than others – as, of course, are some girls – but I’ve always thought that this is down to technique, experience, creativity, how horny they made me initially and/or my feelings for them. But hey, I might be wrong – there’s always the possibility that I’ve been ignoring the obvious. So, I decided to ask around to find out what my friends thought.
My friend Olivia reckoned stamina was far more important than size. Mandy, who is probably the most sexually experienced woman I know, said no – “most of the time, there are other things which are more important.”
Ciara approached the question from the other angle: “I don’t think size counts, but perhaps the lack of it might.” Triona said yes it does count: “But only because I can’t stand guys who complain about their dick’s size. Otherwise no.”
Maria, on the other hand was shocked by the question. “Jeez, Anne, of course!” As if it was bleedin’ obvious! But like Triona, she doesn’t appreciate her men talking about their appendages. “Big is superb, especially when they don’t make a fuss about it. I fucked a smallish guy recently, but he was mega-loaded so I figured – compensation. Not!” If you meet Maria, remember, money can’t buy you love.
I decided to question Tina more closely. Did she think her partner was great in bed because he was well endowed, or was that just a bonus? After all, if size made a difference, would that mean a big dick and nothing more was all that was required? She texted me back with this reply. “I guess not. If the technique wasn’t there, it would be kinda useless. It would just be a big disappointment…”
Which seems to be one element in the equation: expectations, and how they shape our responses. But women’s sexual expectations are frequently formed before you whip off the boxers – and if you’ve given us enough of a reason to believe the sex is going to be great, then we’ve pretty much made up our minds it will be, whatever the size, shape or girth of the beast.
For the most part, women don’t really seem to mind or care. Like me, most of my female friends hadn’t been with anyone who was packing porn-star proportions or sporting tiny todgers (where are all those guys who are doing steroids?) and had no real complaints when it came to size.
Perhaps not surprisingly, men are far more likely to worry about size. I got a number of yeses from guys who obviously think they’re big. And only a handful of the men I asked thought size was irrelevant. And almost all of them wanted to know what the ladies were saying…
Gareth thought girth was important, as did Jim. Anthony figured it was all to do with perception – what you’ve got is less important than what a woman thinks you’ve got. Which I’ll admit is an interesting theory – except that surely she can see for herself, when it stands to glorious attention.
Aaron thought size mattered as well. “Everything counts. Not that there’s a direct correlation between size and pleasure, but sure, it has a bearing on the dynamics of the experience.” He’s a bit wordy, is Aaron, and I still wasn’t sure exactly what he meant. Was it just one factor among many? Or did an impressive erection give confidence to the man and an expectation of pleasure to his partner, thereby resulting in a better experience, but which had nothing to with size really? According to Aaron, all of the above.
Ryan didn’t believe me when I told him most of the women I’d asked said size didn’t matter. But then, he watches a lot of porn. He did ask me an interesting question though. If I had a choice between two clones of the same man, one with a small dick and one with a larger, which would I go for? Damn. He had me there. I’d take the larger one, of course.
Just in case!

*All the names in this piece have been changed. Since Tina’s man already has a big dick, there’s no need to give him a big head as well.