Sex Column: Welcome To The Pleasuredome

The new year is a strange time. It’s cold and miserable and almost everyone is broke – and yet, January holds an alluring promise that this year might just be be better than the last one.

A lot of things can change in a year. Some changes, like Brexit or the election of Donald Trump, are like car crashes – their impact is immediate and terrifying. Others seep into our lives, slowly eroding old certainties and forging new beliefs.

It is almost impossible to predict what will define our attitudes and beliefs about sex and sexuality in 2018. Who could have predicted the #MeToo movement? The vast majority of women – and huge numbers of men – have long been well aware that sexual harassment and abuse are depressingly common. Yet I doubt anyone would have foreseen that 2017 was the year that the world was going to sit up and take notice.

There are a few things, however, that I can confidently predict. Well… confidently enough – I am not putting any money down! Let’s have a look at them.

Repeal or Repent?

Two of the biggest events planned for Ireland this year are the referendum on the 8th Amendment and the visit of Pope Francis. In some ways, the tension between these two perfectly illustrates contemporary Ireland – a secular neoliberal society that has been forged despite historic Catholic beliefs and a record of religious and social authoritarianism.

The Pope is due in August, while the referendum is slated for late in May. There have been rumours that the date could be pushed back until after the visit. Either way, there is a fear that the impending papal visit will skew the vote. And no doubt, there are presumably many political and religious leaders who feel that a majority repeal vote would make the Pope’s visit less a joyous celebration and more a fire and brimstone lecture.

An Irish Times/Ipsos MRBI poll conducted last December found that 62 percent of respondents say they will vote in favour of changing the Constitution. Young voters and city dwellers are some of the most in favour of allowing more access to abortion services.

That’s good news, but bear in mind that in the 2016 census, more than two-thirds of people in Ireland – 78.3 percent to be precise – still, absurdly or otherwise, identified as Catholic. Ireland may not be as Catholic a country as it was when John Paul II popped round, but its history of Catholicism is still a defining feature.

It is, of course, perfectly possible to be a practicing Catholic and believe that abortion should be left up to the individual and not the State. But it is also perfectly possible, indeed likely, that Pope Francis will galvanise anti-choice activism.

So will we repeal or repent? Predicting the outcome would be foolish. But you can be sure that the war of words between pro- and anti-choice activists is going to get louder and uglier before we have our say. I’ll be voting Repeal.

Tech Sex

Barring nuclear war or some other extinction-level event, technology will increasingly become an everyday part of the average sex life. On the one hand, sex toys are getting smarter, fancier and more expensive – if you have more money than sense, you can buy a gold and diamond, Bluetooth-enabled vibrator. On the other hand, however, sex toys are becoming even more accessible whatever your budget, gender or sexual orientation. 3D printed sex toys, customised for your particular, eherm, requirements, will soon be widely available, as will gender-neutral toys that can be configured in different ways for all kinds of couples. And for cheap, safe and easy thrills, there’s vibrating condoms.

Virtual reality has already begun changing the way people consume porn. In 2017, views of VR porn rose 275 percent. That’s from an admittedly low base, but the trend is unmistakable. Sex dolls are also likely to become more popular, as personal companions and, in parts of the world, as pay-per-hour virtual sex workers. However, it seems unlikely that 2018 will be the year flesh and blood women – or men – are “replaced” with pneumatic androids.

Foregrounding Positive Female Sexuality

If 2017 was the year of #MeToo, 2018 will hopefully be the year where we foreground positive sexuality for women. The #MeToo movement has been hugely important. Children, teenagers, young gay men and women make up the majority of victims of sexual harassment and assault. That victims have been able to come forward and some – but certainly not all – powerful abusers have faced consequences, has resulted in a seismic shift about how we think and talk about sexual assault.

The author and academic Laura Kipnis has argued that the focus on the threat of sexual assault creates a situation of “sexual paranoia” and subjugates women. I don’t agree with her. After all, if you are a woman, then yes, you have almost certainly dealt with groping, catcalling, harassment or sexual assault – and probably all of them. But they are not the total sum of your sexual experiences either. Despite all the shit that women put up with, most of us find joy and pleasure in our sexuality – either alone or with a partner.

Having said that, straight women in particular can have a hard time getting our needs and desires met. We’re told not to be too forthright or demanding – to do so would emasculate our partners or make us seem sluttish. Society dictates that we should be people-pleasers, and so many women put the sexual needs of their partners before their own. In hook-up scenarios, women have around one orgasm for every three their partner’s experience. That’s not to say that sex without orgasm is a waste of time. However, the orgasm gap is not down to women’s supposedly complicated biology – it’s because society privileges male sexuality. Men are seen as sexual; women are seen as sexy – the focus is not on our sexual desires, but on our looks. Our culture also believes that sex – and orgasm – are simply more important to men.

Let’s call time on this nonsense and make 2018 is the year of #MeNow – a year where we celebrate positive female sexuality, where women openly discuss their sexual desires and experiences, a year where we demand that our partners pay attention to what we want and like – and where we feel just as damn well entitled to sexual pleasure as anyone else. Have a great 2018!