Sex Column: Sex On The Beach

Have you lived out your sexual fantasies? According to a recent survey, 81 percent of Irish women and 77 percent of Irish men have. If you snorted in derision at those figures, you’re probably right. The data was collected from customers of a well-known online sex toy retailer, so they are hardly representative of the population at large.
One interesting thing did emerge from the survey though — having sex in public was the most popular fantasy for both Irish men and women. As a fantasy, it has many things going for it — your and your partner wow an admiring audience of attractive onlookers who are both awed and turned on by your hot, live action porn. Perhaps an impromptu orgy results. Who knows? It’s your fantasy so anything you like can happen.
Anything can happen, yes – but even though I don’t know the specifics, I’d bet my last euro that in your fantasy nobody will be disgusted by your antics; the weather will be warm; there will be no rubbish, glass, needles or dog shit anywhere in sight; the gardaí won’t arrest you for public indecency; and you and your partner will have incredible — possibly life-changing — orgasms.
The reality can be somewhat less erotic. This May both social and traditional media carried the story of a couple who appeared to be having sex in broad daylight on Aungier Street in Dublin: this being 2015, the couple had been filmed. Interestingly, that was the worst of it. According to a Garda spokesperson, nobody filed a complaint and it seems unlikely the couple will receive any legal repercussions.
Mind you, they can count themselves lucky. Last year, a couple were filmed having sex on a beach in Florida, apparently in full view of families, grannies and toddlers. Jose “Benny” Caballero and Elissa Alvarez were charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour and faced up to fifteen years in prison. Alvarez was recently sentenced to time served and her name was added to the sex offenders register. That may seem like a slap on the wrist, but it is a pretty serious one: despite the fact that Alvarez was just 20 years old at the time of the incident, being placed on the SOR is a punishment that will curtail her ability to find a job, rent a house, and move across State lines.
Caballero has also been added to the sex offenders register and is to be sentenced in July. It is likely he will get jail time, as he has a previous conviction for cocaine-trafficking. Because the beach incident occurred less than three years after his release from prison, it is even possible he will get the full fifteen-year sentence. Whatever one’s feelings about couples having sex in front of families, fifteen years is unduly punitive. Funnily enough, in the so-called ‘Land of the Free’, prison sentences for public sex can be harsher than in the United Arab Emirates, a country where public kissing and hand holding is frowned upon. In the UAE, public sex or sex outside of marriage carries a maximum penalty of two years in prison.
In Ireland, thankfully, the laws are somewhat less extreme. If you are caught having sex in public it is possible that you could be charged under Section 18 of the Criminal Law (Amendment) Act (1990). Under Section 18, any person found guilty of behaving in public “in such a way as to offend modesty or cause scandal or injure the morals of the community” faces a fine of up to €635 or, at worst, six months in prison. However, it is unlikely that you would be jailed, unless your behaviour were particularly outrageous. In 2007, a couple who had sex on a busy rush-hour DART in view of commuters were each sentenced to three months in prison. Perhaps unsurprisingly, both were on drugs at the time.
There are four major groups of people who have sex in public — exhibitionists; those who enjoy the thrill of public sex but don’t really want onlookers; people drunk or high on drugs; and those without better options or a private place, such as young people, the homeless, and outdoor sex workers.
Exhibitionists want an audience. That’s the key part of the fantasy. But frankly, you’d be better off arranging a party in a private home or heading to a sex club on the continent instead of having sex on a busy street, if for no other reason than the fact that either of those scenarios would be more comfortable. If, however, your sexual fantasy actually involves a busy area of commuters, shoppers or families on a day out to the beach, well, perhaps you’re better off keeping that as a fantasy. Not every single one of our desires has to be acted upon in order to have a fulfilling sex life — and having your name splashed all over the newspapers is probably punishment enough even without a jail sentence.
Every few years we are treated — if that’s the word — to supposedly shocking tales of people engaging in public sex acts, but for the most part we don’t have the weather for it. Ireland, after all, isn’t Magaluf. Binge drinking is certainly a feature of Irish life, but cold weather and the fact that every second person you pass on the street is either your best friend’s third cousin or your aunty’s neighbour’s son, keeps us in line — at least for the most part.
Although the June bank holiday weekend was wet and miserable, better weather is on the way — and with that, many more of us will feel the urge to take sex outdoors. Now, since it does carry the risk of punishment, I am not going to suggest that you should definitely do this too. But if you do, I have some advice.
• First and foremost, find a secluded spot. If that happens to be a beach, do not — I repeat, do not — have sex lying down: sand will not only ruin the efficacy of a condom, it’s likely to exfoliate a part of the body that was never meant to be treated so cruelly. Standing up is your best option.
• Do not get undressed — a loose skirt and/or baggy t-shirt will hide what you are doing; plus if some unsuspecting person wanders along, you can be respectably attired, if somewhat red-faced, in seconds.
• If you are in a field or park, check for stinging plants and critters — you do not want to end up with either a nasty rash or being chased by an angry bull.
• Wear sunscreen — it just makes sense.
• Don’t fall asleep afterwards.
• And finally, leave no trace — yup, that means you take used condoms with you and dispose of them responsibly.
Most people who engage in alfresco sex do not want an audience. For some it is just the possibility of being seen. Others get caught up in the moment — many people who would never consider having sex down an alleyway might change their mind when on a summer holiday. For people in long-term relationships, doing something different can be preferable to doing someone different.
It is not surprising that public sex is a common fantasy. After all, it reminds us of teenage kicks, shifting outside a school disco or in a field. In those days, being seen by your parents was the biggest risk; these days, being filmed and seen by the whole world is a possibility. Now, as it was then, it’s only a problem if you get caught.
Be careful out there, and have a great summer!