Sex Column: Sex is good for you

Sex is good for your health. Fact! Regular sex can boost your immune system; improve bladder control; lessen the risk of heart disease; reduce the chance of prostate cancer in men; relieve menstrual cramps; and even give you a keener sense of smell.

But what about your mental health? Yes, sex is important for your mental health too. But as with many things in life, there are nuances that have to be explored.
It is probably no great surprise to most of you to know that sex can, and frequently does, make you feel good. But what you may not know is that the World Congress of Sexology has defined sexual pleasure as a source of physical, psychological, intellectual and emotional well-being — in other words, having an enjoyable sex life is good for every aspect of human health.
The World Health Organisation largely agrees with that conclusion. The WHO defines sexual health not merely as the absence of disease, but argues that sexual health also includes “the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.”
In recent years the United Nations has begun to define the free expression of sexuality, sexual orientation and gender identity as a human right. In 2011 the UN endorsed the rights of gay, lesbian and transgender people, and argued that violence, harassment or discrimination because of gender identity or sexual orientation ought to be illegal.
The message is clear: free expression of your sexuality, and the freedom to enter into a sexual relationship with another consenting adult, is a human right. Your sexuality — whether you are gay, straight, bisexual or asexual — is intrinsically bound up with your experience of being human, and a positive expression of that sexuality, in whatever form it takes, is good for you.
Given all this, it is exasperating that abstinence is still being widely preached, and that the slut/stud double standard has not yet died a fiery death. For many years, young people, particularly young women, were warned that casual sex or having multiple sex partners was a risky business: not only would they face the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, but the idea was also peddled that too much sex — at least, outside of marriage — would lead to lower self-esteem and depression.
I don’t wish to underestimate the risks of engaging in unprotected sex: they are very real. Or to imply that everyone should be having sex at every available opportunity: especially where it intersects with love, sex carries emotional risks as well as physical ones, and if you don’t feel ready for a sexual relationship, or are coerced or pressured into sex with someone, then obviously that will have negative consequences. But what I would like to address is the very common idea that casual sex, or having multiple partners, is somehow bad for your self-esteem. Lots of the modern evidence suggests the contrary.
This message was spread not just by religious folk, but by some mental health professionals too. But newer research has caused people to look at the data again and the conclusion to which many are coming is that the relationship between casual sex, self-esteem and depression is not what had been assumed. There can be a link, but it seems to be one of correlation not causation — depressed people and those with self-esteem issues may try to self-medicate with sex, in circumstances that can be to their detriment. If, on the other hand, you have sex because you want to have sex, you’re much more likely to feel good about it, and about yourself, than if you have sex because you’re hoping it will make you feel loved or accepted. Why you have sex is important to how you feel about it.
New evidence also suggests that the links that have been made between casual, or premarital, sex and lower self-esteem are largely a by-product of negative social attitudes. This is an important distinction. If you believe that casual or premarital sex is a sin, or that you’ve let yourself down in some way, of course you are likely to regret your behaviour. This is because you’ve internalised the message that sex is inherently wrong. If you are ‘shamed’ by your peers for your sexual behaviour, orientation or choices, again your self-esteem may be negatively affected.
There is a gender divide in attitudes too. A 2008 study from Durham University found that 80 percent of young men reported feelings of sexual satisfaction, happiness and well-being after a one-night stand, but that only 54 percent (which is still a majority by the way) of women did. In this survey, women were more likely to express guilt about their behaviour or feel “used” by a partner. The gap between how young men and women felt about one-night stands is almost certainly the result of the slut/stud double standard and how society at large views men and women who engage in casual sex. If men are lauded and women castigated for exactly the same behaviour, it is no surprise that they often feel differently about it.
Interestingly, a 2009 study from the University of Minnesota compared the self-esteem of young people whose last sexual encounter was casual with those whose last sexual encounter was within a committed relationship. They found no difference between the two groups. The researchers claimed to be surprised by the results, as this goes against the accepted idea that casual sex negatively affects self-esteem.
An answer to these varying results may have been found in yet another study, published earlier this year. Researchers at Cornell University in New York found that casual sex was good for people who were open to the idea, and who desired one-night stands and felt positive about them. That’s hardly a major surprise. If you feel positive about anything — whether it is rollercoasters, sushi, Hozier or stroking kittens — you’re going to feel good after an experience where you get to enjoy it.
But it tells us something vital: as social attitudes towards sex, sexuality and sexual orientation have changed, so too have people’s feelings about their sexual behaviour. If you live in a culture where sexual experimentation and casual hook-ups are frowned upon, you’re more likely to believe that too; but if you live in a culture where various forms of sexual expression are seen as healthy, then you are much more likely to benefit from the experiences.
Here in Ireland, as well as in the UK and the US, we are living at a time when attitudes to sex and sexuality are changing rapidly so our culture gives us mixed messages. Sexism, homophobia and transphobia may be alive and well, but these modes of thinking are being challenged at every turn, from grassroots activism to possible changes to our constitution and laws. For every person who believes certain sex acts are sinful, unnatural or bad, there’s another who will argue the complete opposite — and they’d now have the UN, WHO and World Congress of Sexology on their side.
The truth is that neither scientists nor mental health professionals are immune from internalising society’s attitudes towards sex, and so the evidence increasingly suggests that the old message that casual sex is bad for your self-esteem is ideologically motivated. After all, for years researchers have also claimed that sex is good for your mental health in all kinds of ways. It seems illogical that those benefits would only work for married heterosexuals and not for anybody else.
Sex has been found to improve your mood, relieve tension and decrease stress. Sex produces dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin. Together these fight stress, lower pain and make you feel loved up. It’s a bit of a Catch-22 — stress can dampen libido, but regular sex helps you to feel less stressed. An American study found that frequent sex is good for neurotics. Neurotics suffer from a “happiness deficit” and are easily upset, irritated or worried. But frequent sex gets rid of the happiness deficit, allowing neurotics to feel better.
Local authorities in the UK have been known to fund sex workers for clients with disabilities, arguing that sex is good for both physical and mental well-being. New research suggests that sex may boost brain growth, improve your memory, and even make you smarter. All of that, and orgasms too: as the saying goes, a little of what you fancy does you good.