LET’S TEACH ABOUT SEX

Welcome, students, to your first Sexuality Studies lesson. Please find a seat and take out your note pads. Today we will be discussing… Excuse me! You at
the back! Yes, you, young man.
Are you familiar with all 237 reasons women have sex? No? Then kindly settle down and keep quiet. There will be a class discussion later and you can then share your scintillating thoughts with all of us.

Now, where was I? Ah yes! Today we will be discussing why women have sex. That might seem so blindingly obvious that the question hardly needs answering, but professors at the University of Texas at Austin uncovered a staggering 237 different reasons.
Cindy Meston and David Buss studied the sexual histories of thousands of women of all ages and backgrounds from around the world, and conducted a study of 400 Americans, male and female, to find out exactly why women have sex. Would anybody like to guess the most popular reason? How about you? What’s your name?
That’s right, Caroline. Pleasure is the most common reason women — and men — have sex. Whether with a regular partner, or a new one, whether in a long-term relationship or a one night stand, people have sex in order to experience sexual pleasure. I think we can all agree that this is an excellent reason for having sex.
Of the top ten reasons women gave for having sex, attraction and sexual pleasure featured in six of them. These reasons were: I was attracted to the person; I wanted to experience the physical pleasure; It feels good; I was sexually aroused and wanted the release; I was horny; and: It’s fun.
For those of you who think men and women are completely different, and that the battle of the sexes is a real thing, you should note all six of these reasons were amongst the top ten reasons men had sex too.
Now, we don’t have time do go through all 237 different reasons today. I’m sure almost all of you have quite a bit of experience in being… erm… shall we say, self-sufficient, so I will leave you to do the more extensive reading by yourselves. However, Meston and Buss divided these reasons into nine main categories so we’ll go through these today.
As Caroline pointed out, pleasure is the most common reason people have sex, and it's our first major category. Anybody like to take a guess at another? You in the blue sweatshirt — your name? Thank you Peter, and yes, that’s correct. Love is the second major category Meston and Buss uncovered.
Like pleasure, love is a very good reason to have sex. Popular culture often suggests that lust and love are completely separate experiences, and what’s worse, lust is often seen as sinful or wrong. Of course, as students of sexuality, I’m sure you all realise that lust is completely natural – and it is impossible to separate romantic love from lust. Nor would we want to. Without eros, or sexual love, there’d be no babies, and a whole lot less poetry, songs, plays, films and books.
Popular culture also tells us that women are more interested in romantic love than men, but Meston and Buss found that their male respondents cited love as a reason to have sex almost as often as females. And since there are 237 reasons why women have sex, it should be obvious that while love can be a major motivating factor, it is certainly not the only reason a woman would want to get naked.
The third category is conquest. Interestingly, when people first began studying sexuality in academia, the idea of competition between women was a blind spot. Male researchers couldn’t see it. However, most women know that competing for the “best” man happens all the time. Women do this partly for the thrill of the chase, which is not just a male prerogative, and because successfully bedding the most popular man gives a woman bragging rights.
The fourth category is jealousy. This is something of a minefield. We could engage in sex because we are doing what’s called “mate-guarding” — that is making sure our partner is sexually satisfied and not about to look elsewhere. However, if our efforts fail and our partner strays, we might then have sex out of a combination of jealousy and revenge.
The fifth category is duty. I’m sure you’ve all heard the expression, “Lie back and think of England.” This comes from the 1912 journal of Lady Hillingdon: “When I hear his steps outside my door I lie down on my bed, open my legs and think of England.” This is popularly believed to have been the advice given to middle class young women before their weddings, at a time when female sexual pleasure was regarded as unimportant at best, or dangerous at worst.
Sex as duty is not entirely straightforward. In long-term relationships, both women and men may on occasion have sex primarily to keep their partner happy. Some people argue that this is wrong; others claim it is a pragmatic strategy and sometimes you need to put your partner’s needs before your own. Again, there could be occasions, such as when a couple is trying to conceive, that two people have sex not because they are eager, but because it is the most fertile period of a woman’s menstrual cycle. l’ll leave it up to you to decide on the ethics of all this.
The sixth category is adventure. Some of you will know the excitement involved here; many more of you likely hope to experience it during your time as students. Adventure is connected with pleasure, of course, but people also engage in sexual adventures to gain experience, to learn about their own or other people’s sexuality or simply for fun. Unless you are a very conservative type who thinks sex should be saved for the one you marry, adventure is a pretty good reason to have sex.
The seventh category is bartering. The most obvious example here is giving sex in exchange for money, but there are others. Think of the infamous Hollywood ‘casting couch’ or the idea that a woman can sleep her way to the top. I am sorry to inform you that sexual favours cannot be exchanged for a better mark in this course. A 2006 poll found that only 12% of women who’d tried sleeping their way up the career ladder got a promotion. Besides being cynical, bartering sex may not give you the intended results.
The eight category is ego-boosting. Let’s say you’re feeling low — you did badly in your Sexuality Studies exam — so you have sex to make yourself feel better. Perhaps you’ve been dumped, and as the expression goes, the best way to get over one man is to get under another. Either way, sex as an ego-boost can be tricky. After all, there’s another person involved.
Unlike pleasure, love, or adventure, the ninth category is not harmless, but involves deception and coercion. If I told young Peter in the blue sweatshirt that the only way he would pass this course was by sleeping with the lecturer, that would be an example of coercion. Don’t worry, Peter! Coercion is illegal, and rightly so.
Deception is trickier. If you lie to someone to obtain their sexual consent, consent has been obtained under false pretences. For example, you say you drive a lovely new Lexus, but in fact catch the bus. Is that so big a lie that consent may be withdrawn? What if you meet a young woman who tells you she is eighteen, but is in fact fifteen? Or if you pretend to be single, separated or divorced, but are in fact married? Across much of the world, using deception to sleep with someone is illegal and the resultant sex is defined as rape. My advice? Be straightforward in your sexual dealings, both for your own sake and for the sake of your partners.
As I said at the outset, there are 237 different reasons why women have sex. Let’s briefly look at some of the others. Boredom is a common reason, as is celebrating an occasion. But some of the reasons women gave Meston and Buss may seem rather strange: wanting to relieve menstrual cramps; as a dare; as self-punishment; to feel healthy; or to feel closer to God!
As you go out in the world, my young students, you would be wise to remember that sex can be complicated, just as people are complicated. It is therefore advisable that you approach people and sexuality alike with an open mind. Well, look at the time! Please read chapters one to eight before our next lecture, and enjoy your time here at the University of Life. Good day!