Is the thought of a bloke giving a blowjob too much for you to take?

If you sat down to read the Irish Times on January 28 last, you probably learnt that three-quarters of the country would vote “yes” in a referendum to extend civil marriage to same-sex couples.

Sipping on your espresso, you might have thought, “We’ve come a long way, baby.” True, the Celtic Tiger is dead and gone, but we still have decent coffee, and more importantly, the loosening of moral strictures that began with the upsurge in Ireland’s economy is continuing.
If you logged on to Facebook later in the evening, between the pictures of Grumpy Cat and complaints about the weather, you might have spotted a link to a page called ‘Spar Homophobes Ireland’. It recounts the story of a young man and his partner who were allegedly called ‘faggots’ by a security guard at a branch of this convenience store. Here’s how the story unfolded…
Robbie Lawlor posted on Spar Ireland’s Facebook wall that a security guard verbally abused him and his partner, Emmett Daly, for kissing in the store. There seems to be little doubt that the incident turned vicious: Lawlor claims that Daly was pinned to the floor by two men, who caught him in a strangler’s grip. Daly’s face was scratched in the scuffle, though luckily there was no permanent physical damage.
I’ve used words like ‘allegedly’ and ‘claims’ to describe the assault, and have elected not to name the particular outlet, because everyone is entitled to the assumption of innocence until proven guilty. However, nobody has denied that some sort of confrontation happened. In response, Spar Ireland made the point that the store is independently owned and operated, but that it is carrying out an investigation to establish the facts. Furthermore, the security guards are apparently not the store’s own staff but are contracted from another firm.
Now, assuming that the facts have been accurately reported – and it would be very strange for Robbie Lawlor and Emmet Daly to put it out there into the public domain so directly if it were otherwise – the temptation is to write it off as a pair of homophobic security guards whose attitude doesn’t reflect the wider Irish values. After all, who in their right mind would want to be associated with aggressive homophobia in 2013? Certainly not Spar – which is why they were so keen to distance themselves from the incident.
The retail chain, which operates a lot of its stores through franchise arrangements, may well begin to wonder about the wisdom of having a Facebook page at all. Not so much because it gave Robbie Lawlor a platform through which he could immediately register his anger and upset – though whoever moderates the page must have felt that they needed that like a hole in the head – but rather because some of Spar’s Facebook connections turned out to be far more hostile to homosexuality than to homophobia and had no inhibitions whatsoever about saying it.
While a significant number of people were clearly horrified by Lawlor’s story, many of the responses were downright ugly. One of the most disturbing was this: “im not wastn me time talkin t yiz cuntbags id knock ur teeth inta d back a ur fuckn head haha.” Here’s another: “Fruits faggots an puffs kill dem all!!!” And then there was the oh-so-witty “were yas looking for a sausage sambo from the deli!!??”
One of the worst aspects of this hate-filled bile (the appalling spelling and grammar aside) is that, if the profile pictures are anything to go by, much of this vitriolic homophobia emanated from young men, who would have grown up in an Ireland where homosexuality was no longer a criminal offence.
One comment noted that “god made Adam and eve not Adam and Steve” (apparently neither divine beings nor women merit capitals).
Speaking of God, religious organisations object to homosexuality because their belief system tells them that it is wrong or sinful. Sometimes this can take a very aggressive form. Christians and Muslim fundamentalists are the obvious examples but certain Rastafarians can be equally hostile; it is part of Hot Press lore that the singer Denis Brown loudly declared, in an interview for the magazine, that he would kill “dem batty guys” within earshot of the gay RTÉ producer who had kindly brought him in to do a teen show that was current at the time.
However, religious organisations are generally more circumspect in their approach. Take for example, the Iona Institute. Last December this Catholic organisation released a spot ad called ‘The Case for Man/Woman Marriage’. This was an attack on extending civil marriage, not using a religious approach, but the idea that children deserve a “loving mum and dad.”
This might seem like a reasonable position, but only if you ignore the evidence that children brought up by gay couples are as well adjusted as those from traditional nuclear families. And also the fact that they also do as well academically, and are no more likely to be gay themselves.
What’s more, a gay man or woman can legally adopt a child anyway. The problem is that the law as it stands makes it impossible for a civil partner to be registered as a legal guardian as well.
If the Iona Institute’s position was really “for the sake of our children” as they claim, then they should also be lobbying to prevent single parents from raising kids (you think they wouldn’t if they thought there was a fair wind? – Sub Ed). Hell, why stop there? Children raised in homes with money do better in life, so hey, maybe the poor should have their kids forcibly removed and placed with middle-class families?
But of course Iona would never suggest this, because their position isn’t about what’s best for children – otherwise they’d have been loudly complaining about cuts to benefits – it’s about homophobia. But unlike the charming commentators on the Spar page, they are capable of dressing it up in a veil of concern.
Now I’m not saying that religious beliefs give you a free pass to be a homophobe – they certainly don’t – but you can understand why someone whose faith tells them homosexuality is wrong might have a hard time accepting gay marriage.
Having said that, I think Christians would be a nicer bunch if they remembered Matthew 7.1 – “Judge not lest ye be judged” – and followed Jesus’ example of hobnobbing with alleged ‘sinners’ despite their transgressions (whatever they might have been). They’d also do more real good if they spent their time and money on genuine victims, such as abused children, instead of meddling in the consensual sex lives of other adults.
Sadly, you expect hardcore believers of most religious doctrines to be immune to arguments like fairness. Just like you’ll never convince a vegan that butter is a good thing for putting on your baked potatoes, you won’t convince a true believer that gay marriage is about equality.
Fine. What is impossible for me to understand, however, is the intense homophobia displayed by the commentators on Spar’s Facebook page. Since it is not motivated by a religious conviction there must be some other sort of deep-seated fear at work. You can’t help but suspect that some of these blokes have themselves repressed same-sex attraction. If not, perhaps they have issues with women and therefore anything that seems like a womanly sexual act (being penetrated, giving a blow job, kissing a man) is something to be reviled.
Why get so worked up about the sex lives of people you don’t know? It doesn’t make any sense.
Think of it this way: how much difference would it make to your life if you learnt that a bloke called Robert Lawlor was very excited about the new My Bloody Valentine album? Or if you heard that some stranger called Emmett Daly was super happy that Hot Press featured One Direction in the last issue? None whatsoever.
You may have a preference for one of these bands – I know I do – but fans of both can peacefully co-exist. Other people’s orientations, whether musical or sexual, don’t negate yours or render them less important.
I’ve never met Robert or Emmett so maybe they prefer Beyoncé or The Knife or Peruvian folk music. But whatever they have on their iPods or whatever their relationship is, it’s not my concern or yours.
What is our business, however, is to acknowledge that 20 years after decriminalisation, homophobia has not gone away in Ireland. What is our business is to decide what to do about the fact that homophobic bullies make threats of violence on a public forum, happy to share their vitriol with the country and the world.
It is ugly, nasty, unnecessary and childish. But saying that is not in itself going to make it go away…
Seriously dudes, grown men whinging about other people’s sex lives on a Facebook page? Adults engaging in playground bullying antics through social networking? It’s more than just disturbing – it’s downright pathetic.