In The Mood

Damn it! Sometimes there are liabilities attached to doing this column. Writing about sex may be entertaining, but it’s not nearly as enjoyable as actually having it. Here I am, horny as can be – but instead of attending to my animal instincts, I’m dutifully placed in front of my computer knocking out this column for you.

To make matters worse, the sexy Thomas is only metres away licking his lips suggestively at me. But no can do, it will all have to wait as I have a deadline.
Desire is a very strange thing. Some days you can’t get enough sex and on others you’d really prefer a good night’s sleep. This would be all very fine if sex your horniness was timed exactly to match your partner’s. Studies have shown that couples with compatible sex drives are happier than those whose libidos widely differ. If your sexual partner isn’t all that sexual, chances are you may feel rejected, not to mention frustrated. It may not be the be-all and end-all of a relationship, but a happy sex life does make you less likely to want to upgrade your lover for a newer model. Or perhaps that’s just me.
Many things affect our libidos. Medication, hormones, illness and dietary deficiencies can all, at any given moment, make you feel less than enthusiastic about getting down and dirty. As many as one in five people suffer from depression and this too can have a negative effect on levels of desire. Luckily, most often, depression can be treated, but occasionally the cure can be worse than the problem. Some anti-depressants may lower your libido even more, so if you are on meds it’s worth talking to your doctor about this. To a large extent our sex drives are chemical.
Years ago the particular contraceptive pill I was taking completely killed my libido for months. No wonder it had a 99.9% effectiveness rate; the only way I could have fallen pregnant would have been through divine intervention. After a few weeks, my boyfriend at the time was getting understandably upset. His mild mannered sex goddess had turned into an screaming harridan – and an asexual one to boot. Not a good combination! Once I had worked out the cause, I made it up to him in style. After nearly two months of very little nookie and severe mood swings, he certainly deserved it.
Emotional issues can also put a damper on your sex drive, particularly if they involve your nearest and dearest. If you feel unloved, irritated or angry, chances are good that you won’t be that keen on sex. It’s understandable that we feel this way, but it’s a pity because having sex is one of the best ways to make you – and your partner too – feel better.
Whatever was plaguing you will often seem minor through a haze of post-orgasmic bliss. A good two hours of sweaty shagging has as many therapeutic benefits as aromatherapy, reiki or reflexology. Plus you don’t need to book an appointment weeks in advance. At least I certainly hope not.
Long-term relationships can offer many benefits in terms of intimacy and familiarity, but this is not always good for your libido. Unless it’s approached with a bit of imagination, there’s a danger that sex with the same person will seem a little dull. It’s the law of diminishing returns and it takes effort and imagination to ensure your sex life stays vital. Women, in particular, can suffer from what’s called “responsive desire”. This means they won’t feel like having sex until they are fully aroused, making them unlikely to initiate sex.
According to reports, working Irish couples are apparently not having as much sex as they’d like. Long hours in the office, added to the hours spent commuting mean that many of you are just not in the mood. Added to that, couples that have children have even more calls on their time, and less privacy. As a result, sex is often relegated to a quickie after the kids have gone to bed because parents just don’t have the energy for full-on marathon sex. This in itself can be detrimental for your sex drive. The less exciting your sex life is, the less likely you are to want more of it.
Even if there are no discernable reasons for it, your desire for sex can change daily. For example, last week I had sex four, yes four, times on Sunday. I was absolutely insatiable. Luckily, Thomas has great powers of recovery. On Monday and Tuesday I was still as rampant as that famous rabbit, but by Thursday my bed seemed more attractive as a place of rest so I gave Thomas a night off.
You’d have thought he’d have been grateful after all the high jinx earlier in the week, but no. I felt guilty for being so tired; the mind was willing but the flesh was weak. I needed sleep so the poor boy had to do without.
I wish I could make sense of my body’s sex drive. If only it could be portioned off into neat little packages to be used as required. Instead it often strikes at inopportune times. Had Thomas tried to wake me up early this morning for a pre-work quickie, chances are good I would have merely grunted and gone back to sleep. However by 11 o’clock I was feeling pretty frisky and having inappropriate thoughts while sitting at my desk.
Talk about bad timing. There was absolutely nothing to be done but channel all that excess sexual energy into work. Well, not all of it, thankfully. That would have bee a shameful waste. After all, I’m at home now, the column is done and Thomas is here. So if you’ll kindly excuse me…