I think my body is telling me something

Afterwards, lying in the bed, she wondered what she was doing there. She’d been having sex – but why with this man? Why not with someone else? In the proceeding months her feelings had changed from that hopeful enthusiasm, or romantic delusion, that accompanies the beginning of every relationship into something approximating indifference.

He shifted into the middle of the bed, flung out his leg and grunted in his sleep.
It had started a few weeks ago. She had cooked, he ate, neither of them drank the wine. An off-chance remark had resulted in an argument. It was a polite disagreement, as disagreements go – more of a heated discussion really. Not being a passionate lovers tiff, there had been no passionate make up afterwards.
It shouldn’t have mattered much, yet somehow it did.
The argument had fizzled out and the conversation turned to less contentious topics, but when they went to bed, he claimed, for the first time in their acquaintance, to be too tired for sex.
He could have gone home; instead he kissed her briefly, got into bed and turned his back – a very physical rejection.
She lay in the dark, unable to sleep, feeling foolish in her nakedness, wondering if she should have put on pyjamas, wondering what exactly had gone wrong.
She turned around and touched his shoulder. “I’m sorry about earlier. It was silly.”
He rolled over and kissed her. “Me too.”
His hands started roaming across her body, his mouth on her neck, her face, her breasts. Unable to resist his touch, she responded, but it was as if there was something missing. Her body and her mind wanted different things, and with this discord her pleasure was stilted and the possibility of orgasm slipped away into the ether. He came and that was it.
If he had noticed a difference, and surely he must have, he hadn’t said anything. When it was over, he chatted for a few minutes, put his arms around her and fell into the deep sleep of the satisfied, while she stared at the ceiling and wondered how two people could share such a small space and yet be so many miles apart.
In the morning, her dark thoughts had fled with the sunlight.
When he left, he kissed her at the front door.
“I’ll see you soon,” he’d promised. “Do you fancy dinner on Friday?”
She’d smiled in agreement and encouragement. “Sounds good. I’ll see you then.”
That Friday he drove far out of the city. “Where are we going?” she asked.
“It’s a surprise,” he promised and she realised he was making a special effort – an apology of sorts, she supposed. He was in good form – charming, amusing, terribly physically appealing and the vague sense of unease she’d had since the argument disappeared in the blur of food, conversation and laughter.
In the car on the way back she admired his profile. His face, she’d noticed, changed with his moods and the quality of the light, but his profile remained the same – the jaw strong, the nose definite, the brow high, which gave him the look of an intellectual. She liked him better like this – from the side. As he negotiated the streets, she willed him silently to hurry up. She wanted him.
When they reached the house she dragged him into her bedroom, shedding clothes as they went. He was a skilful lover – aggressive when he needed to be, tender and gentle when not. He picked her up in his arms, fucking her standing up – a position that always sent her over the edge. But tonight? She didn’t understand why, but she felt nothing much at all.
Once is unfortunate, twice a coincidence. Too much wine, too much food, perhaps, she thought, no cause for concern, surely? But the unease had returned – hovering somewhere outside her conscious mind, beyond her grasp, yet she knew it was there.
The next morning as they lay in bed, drinking tea and talking, he reached out and caressed her and she returned his touch. In the bright light his body was beautiful – strong, tall and masculine. She climbed on top of him, breathing in his scent. He ran his hands down her back and she shivered and kissed him. The desire was there, but not the resolution. Half an hour later, he wanted her again, but this time, for the first time, she turned him down.
“I have work to do,” she said. It was a white lie, but less hurtful than the truth.
After he left, she called her girlfriend.
“Why are you making such a fuss?” her girlfriend asked. “Half the time I don’t come. It’s normal.”
She knew that this was true. She’d read the statistics.
“Not me,” she replied.
“Always?” her girlfriend asked incredulously.
“Yes. Well, almost always. I don’t remember the last time this happened to me.”
“Now you’re just bragging, Anne,” her girlfriend laughed. “Welcome to my world.”
She wondered if she should speak to him, but what would she say?
The next Saturday morning she slept late. When she awoke, he came through the bedroom door wearing his coat.
“Where’ve you been?” she asked.
“I went for a walk, bought a coffee,” he replied, draining the last of his cup.
She looked around the room. “Did you bring me one?”
“Sorry, I didn’t think of it. Jesus, that place on the corner is expensive.”
He took off his coat and sat down on the bed.
She crawled out from under the covers. “I’m going to take a shower.”
Later that day they went for a walk. It was cold. She put on her gloves. She remembered a former lover and the way he would shove his hand into her pockets during winter, warming her and stretching the line of her coats. She looked at the man now walking beside her and realised she’d never once held his hand, never once felt the desire to do so and it struck her as immeasurably sad.
In the maze of streets they got lost.
“It’s this way,” he said.
“Are you sure?” she asked. “I think we need to go left.”
“No. It’s down here.” Authoritative.
Twenty minutes later they were back in the same square.
“I knew it,” she laughed. “Come on, we’ll get a cup of coffee and try again later.”
Sitting in the restaurant the atmosphere between them had changed, the tension that had been hiding under the surface bubbling up again.
He said something.
She started to disagree, but he interrupted her.
“You’re so closed-minded,” he accused.
“That’s not fair,” she objected. “It’s just that…”
He leaned across the table.
“Yes, you are, Anne,” he said – the final word on the matter.
But this time she would not be silenced because it struck her that this is what he had done before – refused to allow her to disagree; used his physical bulk to intimidate her; withheld sex as a punishment. No wonder she had not been able to come: her body had known better than her mind and had been withdrawing from this man.
She ordered a glass of wine and considered which of the fifty ways she would use to leave this lover.

SEX TIP
Non-orgasmic sex
Say what? Yes. Orgasm shouldn’t necessarily be the goal of all your sexual experiences. Sometimes not coming can result in a much hotter sex life. Here are three ideas to try.
Sexual touch
Long bouts of sexual touch are normally confined to teenage experimentation, but spending hours exploring your partner’s body can be incredibly intimate and is a great way to learn what turns him or her on.
Sexual talking
Talking ‘dirty’ is generally seen as a way to increase the raunchiness of sex, but it’s also a useful way to increase intimacy. If you feel a bit shy about sharing fantasies, try erotic short stories to begin with.
Tantra
Get yourself a basic guide to tantric sex. Tantric sex offers methods and ideas to help us experience our sexuality more deeply, not necessarily experience orgasm. The goal is to enrich the sexual experience.

SEX O' CLOCK NEWS
28-Day pill available in Ireland
The pill is the most popular form of contraception in Ireland but research has shown that one in five young women forget to take the pill at least twice a month, resulting in a staggering 220,000 unplanned pregnancies a year. If you are one of the forgetful types, you might consider asking your doctor to switch you to the 28-day pill that has recently been made available. Unlike the 21-day pill, there are no pill-free days. This contraceptive has 24 active hormone pills, followed by 4 days of hormone-free tablets. The new pill is a low-dose contraceptive and it’s claimed it can help women who experience hormone withdrawal symptoms such as headaches and cramps as well as combating bloating and acne. I know you know, but it’s worth remembering that the pill offers no protection against sexually transmitted infections.

Wild sex = babies
For every woman trying to prevent a pregnancy there’s another hoping to conceive. Now research has shown that wild, uninhibited sex offers a couple a greater chance of conception. Men typically ejaculate around 250 million sperm during sex, but adding on five more minutes of sexual activity to your regular sexual routine can produce an extra 25 million little swimmers, while great stimulating sex can cause a man to ejaculate as much as 50 percent more. Female orgasm also helps conception as the muscle contractions experienced during orgasm help pull the sperm into the cervix giving them a head start on their journey to the uterus. And you thought someone had arranged all that for your pleasure only!

Sex worker hard sell
Now I feel sympathy for sex workers forced to walk the streets in all weathers, but Nicole Mary Scarpone’s unique way of drumming up business is not recommended. The 26-year old from North Carolina forced her way into an apartment and demanded that the three men inside each pay her $10 in exchange for her services. They weren’t keen and Scarpone has been charged with first-degree burglary and solicitation for her trouble.

Web
Tired of Youporn? Try ShareAdult. This is a subscription site for lovers and creators of amateur porn. On the plus side there’s hundreds of large images and videos, new uploads are added weekly and the quality is surprisingly good for user-generated content. On the downside, there’s no way to search through what’s on offer and it’s a little pricey – $24.95 for 30 days access. See www.shareadult.com.

Sexton's Miscellany
pill myths
It’s amazing the number of myths and urban legends surrounding the pill. Here are some of the most enduring ones.
1. Stopping your period is bad for your health.
Not true. Studies show it’s perfectly safe and that it’s a particular boon to women who have heavy periods.
2. The pill causes cancer
Taking the pill actually reduces your risk of ovarian and endometrial cancer. However the research on breast cancer is inconclusive. A recent review of studies suggests there is only a small risk.
3. The pill makes you fat
Hmmm… it’s not proven, but anecdotal evidence suggests many women link the pill to weight gain. But remember, pregnancy itself is a sure-fire way to gain weight!
4. The pill makes you frigid
Some pills can cause decreased libidos. Get your doctor to switch you to a low-dosage pill if you think your contraceptive is making you less horny.
5. The pill’s side effects last forever
You may experience some side effects in the first three months as your body adjusts to the pill. Anything after that and you need to speak to your doctor.

SEXTON ON XXX Q&A
I’ve added a Question and Answer section to my blog. If you’ve got a question for me, just type it into any of the comment boxes and I’ll do my best to answer you as soon as possible. See www.hotpress.com/annesexton.