Summer ends not with a whimper, but with a bang. September sees not only the leaves disappearing from the trees, but also the disappearance of darling sons and daughters from the warmth and security of the parental bosom. First year students descend like a plague of locusts upon Ireland’s cities and towns. They come seeking knowledge, experience and good times.
According to the tabloids, Irish teens have seen and done more sexually than your average porn star. If the reports of drunken shenanigans on sun-soaked and condom-strewn beaches were to be believed, you’d think that students would be glad to get to college for a rest from all that crazed summer shagging. But the reality is just a little bit different.
The screaming headlines are at odds with the statistics. According to those in the know, most Irish people still lose their virginity at around the age of 17, not 12. So, if you missed out on the seaside orgies or the good times in the Gaeltacht, well, relax: you are not the last virgin to have done the Leaving in 2005.
College will teach you many things not listed in the prospectus of your chosen academic institution. However, learning these lessons may well prove just as difficult as handling the exams. Even if you’ve got the college and course of your choice, chances are that you’ll find that you’ve actually enrolled in the School of Hard Knocks. Welcome to reality: the road to enlightenment is full of potholes.
At university I learnt that theory is not supposed to exist in a vacuum but that it should be borne out in, or rather by, reality. However, this is not always the case. First years enter college with the mistaken belief that freedom from the watchful eyes of parents will equal unparalleled opportunities to get drunk and have sex with a variety of willing partners. However, students soon find that their meagre stipend does not allow for a 24/7 party lifestyle – which is just as well – and that offers of sexual congress are not available every other day.
And if they were? There are two things to bear in mind straight away. The first is to practice safe sex. That means using a condom for intercourse. Alternatively, it means most certainly NOT engaging in penetrative sex if you don’t have a condom. Lesson one: keep a condom handy at all times.
The second is that there are a myriad of sexual pleasures to be had other than penetrative sex. It is well worthwhile exploring these, being informed and learning how to make the most of them once you know that there’s someone you actually want to have sex with! Lesson two: some of these might also need a condom so be prepared to be safe. But others don’t. Get to know the menu, the better to enjoy it to the full!
On the occasions when the booze does flow like water, first years tend to partake with gusto, like a condemned man at his last meal. At the risk of stating the obvious, if it is sex you’re after, this is a grievous error: the too eager consumption of intoxicating liquors frequently renders sexual intercourse either ill-advised or unwelcome. Indeed in some cases it will make it downright impossible.
After one too many evenings ending with their arms wrapped around the toilet silently praying for a quick death, most students curtail the heavy drinking. Where sex – among other things – is concerned, that’s greatly for the better. Too many mistakes are made in bed under the influence, with crisis pregnancies and other horribly thorny ramifications inevitably following. Much preferable to do the smart thing.
There are several reasons why young people tend to over-indulge in the sauce. Part of the problem is that despite a carefully cultivated air of experience, most students are less sexually confident than they’d like their mates to believe. Getting drunk is one way of dealing with the pressures of courtship and the possibility of rejection. It is not a good one, so be very wary.
For many people, being drunk is a great excuse for doing things they’d be too inhibited to do sober. For lots of students, just getting into bed with someone is often more important than the quality of the sexual experience itself. Many is the student that will wake up in the morning next to someone they’d never have chosen to sleep with in the cold, sober light of day.
How you got there might be an issue, and what you got up to, if you were seriously less than compos mentis. But if this does happen, don’t be rude or ungracious. Take time to talk and to get to know the person just a little bit better, and at the very least you may have made a new friend – even if there’s nothing amorous involved in the long run.
For first years, sexual experience can be a hit and miss affair. Female students are more likely to be swayed by sophisticated boys in their third year, ignoring the gangly attractions of first year lads, who frankly, to many a young woman’s eye, still look like schoolboys. Third year boys may well be won over – but the same is unlikely to happen with third year girls and first year boys, so there is an imbalance.
While the girls may have it easier, they still have to compete with their more sexually experienced sisters. A slightly older, final year female who actually knows how to give a blowjob will generally have the edge.
Another major barrier to student sex is lack of privacy. With rents as high as they are, students often live in accommodation that even the most hardened tinned sardine would regard as being cramped. Therefore a flexible definition of privacy and being creative about when and where to have sex is often the only solution.
I am fond of sex outdoors and in unusual places. But I often wonder if this is because a huge number of my early sexual experiences took place away from the confines (and the comforts!) of the bedroom. When I was in first year in college, I was lucky enough to have my own room, but only a partition wall separated me from the girl next door. This should not have been a major restriction but my neighbour Toni had pledged herself to chastity and seemed determined to see to it that I got no action either. Any time I had a guest, she would bang repeatedly on the wall until we were forced to retreat to the kitchen for coffee instead. There were times when I might have strangled her, but she is alive and I am not in jail. And I learned the fine art of finding other interesting places to have it off.
Despite these problems, the fact that you are young, free and (mostly) single does open up a whole world of sexual possibilities for those who are in college. Your student days may not be the sexual free-for-all that some publications would have you believe, but college does offer a great many opportunities for sexual experience and experimentation. Why shouldn’t you go for it? There is no greater pleasure and, what’s more, it’s free – though not always in an emotional sense of course.
Sexual experimentation is part of being young. Be open to the opportunities that come your way, be good to the people who experiment with you – and remember, that sex, like alcohol, is best enjoyed responsibly. Have a great year.