The Spaghetti Incident

Guns N’ Roses: “The Spaghetti Incident” (Geffen).

AFTER MORE delays than even CIE could find feasible excuses for, Guns N’ Roses have finally gotten round to releasing their album of punk covers which I’m sure will come as good news to the former spiky-heads concerned as they make provision for their old age.

A nice little earner for them, maybe, but for the rest of us The Spaghetti Incident is another reminder that, apart from Iggy Pop, the Americans have never been able to grasp the significance of the ‘76 revolution.

With the Gunners doing an FAI in terms of what they reckon qualifies as “punk”, a couple of Tony Cascarinos creep into the squad like Nazareth’s ‘Hair Of The Dog’ which works and T. Rex’s ‘Buick Makane’ which doesn’t. The key to Marc Bolan’s appeal was always his sexual ambivalence but, as he’s so keen to remind us, Axl Rose is no ‘faggot’ and manages to transform what was once a classic slice of glam campery into a standard Hollywood cock rocker.

Although his voice tends to be flatter than a hedgehog on the Naas dual-carriageway, the tracks that gel best are the ones where Duff McKagen takes over the mike and at least sounds as if he has genuine affection for what he’s singing. The faithful note by note reproduction of ‘New Rose’ is a decent enough advert for The Damned and ‘You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory’ is every bit as dumb-ass melodramatic as Johnny Thunders intended it to be.

Axl, meanwhile, puts in a late bid for ‘Plonker Of The Year’ by adopting a ludicrous cocker-nee sneer and reducing the UK Subs’ already below par ‘Down On The Farm’ to the level of complete farce. Charlie Harper will doubtless appreciate the royalties but I can’t see him playing this to his grandchildren.

Everybody – apart from Rose it seems – realises that the Sex Pistols degenerated into self-parody the second John Lydon slung his hook and, while not quite as embarrassing as ‘Friggin’ In The Riggin’’ or ‘No One Is Innocent’, the Steve Jones-penned ‘Black Leather’ really does represent the fag-end of punk rock.

The same applies to The Dead Boys’ ‘Ain’t It Fun’, The Misfits’ ‘Attitude’ and Fear’s ‘I Don’t Care About You’ which might throw a few of the requisite shapes but just don’t have the right attitude to be anything more than third-rate approximations of the genuine British article. Anarchy in the USA, anyone? I think not.

Perversely enough, The Spaghetti Incident’s most satisfying moment is supplied by the gentle acoustic rendition of Charles Manson’s ‘What’s Your Game?’ which sneaks in as an uncredited bonus track on the CD version. Manson may be as looney tunes as Foghorn Leghorn and Porky The Pig but he certainly knew how to write a memorable tune.

“A great song can be found anywhere. Do yourself a favour and go find the originals,” is Guns N’ Roses’ message in the sleeve notes and, for once, I’m in total agreement with them.

• Stuart Clark