Northern Uproar

NEVER MIND decades of terrorist bombings, this is the hotel that s withstood not one, but two Heineken/Hot Press Rock Awards.
Five stars and an international reputation to preserve be damned, the Europa barstaff don t even flinch when co.uk mainman Joe Brush strolls up to the counter in his moshing shorts, burps loudly and asks them to get a move on with the Guinness cos he s bleedin thirsty.
He may only be 5 4 from peroxide tip to Doc Martened toe, but this bloke could charge Iggy Pop for charisma lessons, and afterwards give Brad Pitt a few tips on how to woo the ladies.
Handy attributes to possess given Northern Ireland s current musical drought. While the talk the last time H.P. was here was of major breakthroughs, 18 months later people are wondering why nobody else from Norn Iron has followed Ash, Therapy? and The Divine Comedy on to Top Of The Pops.
It d help if there were a few venues, Brush spits venomously. We can go across the water and play 15 shows with A and Liberty 37, no problem, but it s virtually impossible to get a gig in Belfast. The Empire nowadays is all covers bands, and since the old booker left, Lavery s has switched to DJs. The Duke of York would be the best fucking venue in the world if it was bigger, but it s only suitable for groups when they re starting off.
All this stuff about an emerging Northern Ireland music industry is bollocks, he continues. You ve got lots of individuals working on different projects, but there s no co-ordination or organisation you can go to for help. It s actually worse now than it was a couple of years ago, when you at least had regular hang-outs like the Rosetta Club. Regardless of who was playing, you d go down there on Friday or Saturday and meet people who were as mad into music as you were. I don t know how many of them got anywhere, but a load of bands were formed over pints in the Rosetta.
If you ve got co.uk pegged as what my mum, God bless er, calls whining Willies, think again. They may be able to win Olympic Gold for their country at Grumbling, but in terms of getting up off their arses and making things happen, the trio are the most positive of Petes.
Bands complain about not getting the breaks, but you ve got to open your own doors, proffers Brush s bass-playing colleague, Chris Robinson. A self-confessed crazy colour addict he s currently sporting a very natty purple do his Desperate Dan jawline puts you in mind of a young Richard Gough.
Yer cheeky wee bugger, ye, he laughs. Starting off, we played the most desperate toilets imaginable so that we could get experience and build a following. The money or lack of it wasn t an issue. Shite venues or not, we were a gigging band. Anyway, as we got better known we started attracting bits and pieces of interest. Most of it was people talking crap, but then we met Johnny Davis who was in the process of starting up Bright Star Recordings. There was none of this stick with me and I ll turn you in to stars nonsense. Johnny sat us down and said, If you want to be successful, you re going to have to work your arses off.
This is complicated stuff, so pay attention! Having been based in London since the 70s, Davis decided in 1996 to quit his well-paid plugging job and return home to Belfast. Before leaving he persuaded Mercury Records to give him the seed money for Bright Star, which in return acts as a nursery label for the major. Thusly, while signed to Mercury, everything co.uk have released to date has born the Bright Star imprint. To confuse matters even more, they ve also inked a publishing deal with BMG.
The word development worried me at first, but now I m delighted that we haven t been rushed into anything, Robinson reflects. We ve put out three singles that we re dead chuffed with, and have a fourth planned for September. We ve also got a Bright Star album coming out in October, which is going to be the best fucking record a Belfast band s ever made. People are going to think I m an arrogant bastard for saying that, but you ve no business being in a group unless you believe in yourselves 100%.
While still relatively unknown in Ireland, co.uk s cross-channel stock is sufficiently high for Jo Whiley and Steve Lamacq to phone up looking for their records. They re also one of the few homegrown bands who ve found favour with both the inkies and the metal press the NME describing them as button-nosed kicking fun , and Kerrang! giving them a table at their 1999 Awards.
I never expected to be on the radio with this band, Robinson resumes. No one was playing the sort of music that we like to go out and get pissed to, so we said, okay, we ll do it our ourselves. That was as fucking deep as it went. Next thing I know, we re being heard by three million people on the Mark and Lard show. Talk about a buzz! Kerrang! giving us Single of the Week that was the bible when I was a kid. Sure, a lot of heavy metal s shit, but what made me pick up a guitar and try and get a band together was AC/DC. The albums they recorded with Bon Scott are every bit as classic as Nevermind or OK Computer. My first big gig and still one of the best I ve seen was Gary Moore at the Ulster Hall. I got sent a Twisted Sister live album recently, which is great because they just went out there and entertained.
As disturbing as his penchant for the New York glamsters may be, there are even grislier skeletons in Chris Robinson s closet.
Ay, I used to do a bit of journalism, he says with nary a hint of remorse. I don t know if you remember a magazine here called DV8, but I was the one who came up with the idea of sticking a tricolour Union Jack on the cover. You should have heard the fucking abuse we got for doing that!
Which brings us seamlessly to co.uk s name. Despite the sectarian connotations, the nomenclature stems from nothing more sinister than an, ahem, substance-assisted bout of telly watching chez Robinson.
You know the BBC Children s thing that they do from the broom-cupboard? Well, I had it on one day, and in my vegetative state was fascinated by the web address that kept flashing up on the screen. I just thought, what a great fucking name for a band! It was certainly better than our drummer, Rab s, suggestions which were Sniff, Milk and Hitler.
The only time we got grief over it was when we played upstairs at the DA Club, Joe Brush reveals. Some drunken fucker down the back shouted Are you Loyalists? , and then threw a glass. We could have let it get to us, but having come all the way down from Belfast in this rusty Maestro, we weren t going to let anyone spoil our fun.
co.uk s next visit to Dublin was as part of the same Heineken Rollercoaster bill that featured Boogie Nights. As mismatches go, fewer eyebrows would ve been raised if Cliff Richard had said he was going on tour with Anal Cunt.
Thankfully there was enough time between us finishing and them starting for us to get completely pissed, he chuckles. We had a video camera that we were supposed to film ourselves with, but when we got home we realised there was 30 minutes of co.uk and eight tapes of yer one in Boogie Nights with the big thingmejigs.
I wasn t going to mention this, but seeing as Joe s engaging in bawdy road tales, he might like to tell us about the points system which was in operation on their last tour.
What points system would that be?
The one where Charlotte Hatherley merits full-marks.
I m sorry, that s a confidential matter that I m duty-bound not to discuss. All I can tell you is that I won, but with nowhere near full marks.
Before he leaves the confessional, there s the small matter of him sabotaging the Therapy? string section.
They were two-thirds of the way through their gig at the Ulster Hall when I decided I was going to get up on stage with them. Normally this would ve been a straightforward manoeuvre, but hidden away at the side of the stage were a violinist and a cello player that I managed to crash into. Andy Cairns was looking around to see what the fuck had happened to his musicians!
This was before Fyfe left a move which did neither of them any favours. When someone s that integral to your sound there s no way you can replace them. This ll probably come back to haunt me, but if one of us quits I honestly think we d knock it on the head.
If there s a downside to the disgustingly nice things that have been said about co.uk in Britain, it s the constant cross-referencing to Green Day, and worse still, Offspring. While there s no denying the sartorial similarities roll on the winter when it s too cold for shorts Brush & Co s mixture of metallic brawn and pure pop brains means that they re far closer in spirit to The Wildhearts.
That s a comparison we can live with, smiles Rab McNeill, who like myself is on stand-by should Ginger one day decide that he wants to have children. Flicking through co.uk s rapidly expanding press pack, it s noticeable that very little of the column inchage has been generated in the North. Is it a case of not being recognised at home until you ve made it elsewhere, or something more sinsister?
It s simply a case of journalists here not being in touch with this generation of music fans, Chris Robinson ventures. With a few notable exceptions, they re all the Terri Hooley/Good Vibes/What happened to Stiff Little Fingers and The Undertones? brigade. Fergal Sharkey s moved on from that, so why can t they?
You can examine co.uk s brat pop credentials for yourself on September 9th when they join Ash and Seven By Seven for a 2FM-sponsored bash at the Olympia. If I was Charlotte Hatherley, I d bring my pinking shears with me. n
co.uk s Not Today single is out now on Bright Star Recordings.