Jake me, I'm yours

"He kisses passionately like a girl in love, but moans like a whore.”
It’s amazing what treasures Google can unearth. I’ve just typed in “Jake Shears, sex life” – for research purposes of course – and been rewarded with a February 2004 article from Butt magazine in which five of his lovers compare coital notes. The Scissor Sisters mainman has stated that nothing ever embarrasses him, but he must be a little red-faced that his bedroom secrets are strewn all over the information superhighway?

“No, not at all,” he beams. “Butt came to me with the idea for the piece and I gave them the names and numbers.”
So, Aubrey, Justin, Ned, Steve and Dominick had Jake’s permission to rate him out of ten?
“Absolutely.”
How much of it is true?
“There are one or two encounters that I remember more or less enthusiastically than they do, but otherwise it’s 99% accurate.”
The one percent being so insignificant that if, say, an Irish rock fortnightly quoted large chunks in their bumper 2006 Annual they wouldn’t be slapped with a big fat libel suit?
“Quote away!”
Where to start? How about Ned recounting when Jake “was really drunk and maybe high on his b-day and started a panty party and later tried to get me to go into a bathtub-size hot tub full of gross and dirty naked men?”
Or his shocking of Dominick with “tit clamps and a remote-control dildo”?
“I like the bits when they’re saying how fabulous I am,” Shears laughs.
Those range from Steve gushing about him having “the hardest prick I’ve ever had my hands on” to Aubrey suggesting that he’s the key to peace in the Middle East: “If this man were to be sent to Iraq, everyone would be fucking and making love, not war!”
Quite. Along with its superb titillation value, Jake’s willingness to have his sex life forensically examined is indicative of somebody who says and does their own thing, and damn the commercial consequences.
“I have two words for people who suggest that we’d sell more records if we toned it down, one of which is ‘off’!” he spits. “If the Scissor Sisters have a message, it’s ‘Be proud of who and what you are, and don’t let assholes spoil the party!’”
Now that we’ve got the manifesto out of the way, let’s look back at the fantabulous year that Jake Shears, Babydaddy, Ana Matronic, Del Marquis and Paddy Boom have just had. As a band who’ve their feet in both the pop and rock camps, who do they regard themselves as being in competition with?
“The Killers and Franz Ferdinand,” Jake shoots straight back. “Those to me are our contemporaries, and if I didn’t feel competition with them I should just throw in the towel. Trying to outdo one another is what makes you create good stuff. Elton (John) is always telling me amazing stories about his competitor back in the day being Rod Stewart. They were friends, but they’d try and top each other all the time, which inspired both of them to keep going after the first ten million was in the bank.
“Instead of Rod, I’ve got Brandon Flowers and Alex Kapranos to be totally jealous of and hope that sometimes they’re totally jealous of us!”
hotpress has pictorial proof of Alex and Jake being bestest buddies, but does he know Brandon?
“Not as well as Alex, but yeah, we’ve met…and rowed furiously about what David Bowie’s best album is! He’s a Rise & Fall Of Ziggy Stardust man whereas I prefer Let’s Dance. I had preconceived notions about Brandon – not all of them good! – but I later met him and his new wife for dinner and they were both completely wonderful. You can just sense Brandon’s passion for music.”
Are their experiences of the music industry similar?
“I guess so, though he’s probably got a hell of a lot more confidence than I do.”
Having seen him comprehensively strut his stuff recently in The Point, I find it impossible to believe that Jake Shears is lacking in chutzpah.
“Over the past few months, singing ‘I Don’t Feel Like Dancin'’ on live TV has been the most horrible, nerve-wracking thing because of all the high notes that have to be hit,” the 28-year-old rues. “We did a show last week in Germany that airs to between 16 and 18 million people, and I literally thought I was going to pass out. They were saying, ‘Mime like everybody else does’, but that to me is cheating and I won’t do it. There’s something honest, if excruciatingly embarrassing, about messing up on national television.”
Talking of excruciating embarrassment, has he been a victim yet of High Definition TV?
“It’s supposed to be a fantasy world, not a medium through which people can see your acne scars. God bless Billy Bob Thornton, but you’ve got to watch the trailer for his new film, School For Scoundrels. I was shocked because the man is literally wearing a cake of make-up on his face. The other person whose career is being threatened by it, of course, is Cameron Diaz. I hate to think how much time she’s having to spend at the dermatologists.”
All of which, in case you’re wondering, is said with nary a hint of bitchiness. If Jake doesn’t mind backtracking for a moment, how’s Elton?
“Good, and still ringing me up every week to tell me about these fabulous records he’s discovered.”
Such as?
“He was very excited in the spring about the second Delays album, You See Colours, which I have to agree is absolutely fantastic. I also got a ‘Just listen to it, and then we’ll talk’ lecture from him when I said I hadn’t checked Sufjan Stevens out yet. Where new music’s concerned it’s a real challenge keeping up with him.”
What are the records Jake’s been recommending to Elt in return?
“Actually, I need to ring him about the new Joanna Newsom album, which I listened to last night in bed and was blown away by. Another song I absolutely adore is the Snow Patrol one with Martha Wainwright – ‘Set The Fire To The Third Bar’. There’s this notion that things were better in the '60s or '70s, but this right now is a golden age.”
While over three million copies of their new album, Ta-Dah, reside in European and Australian record collections, Scissor Sisters remain a cult phenomenon at home. What are the Yanks missing that the rest of us get?
“Without wishing to sound like a whining rock star, a lot of it’s to do with radio and the fact that American stations only play artists that fit into pre-defined categories,” Jake proffers. “Apart from San Francisco and Boston where attitudes are more progressive, the only place that ‘I Don’t Feel Like Dancin'’ has gotten substantial airplay, strangely, is Wisconsin. Which is frustrating ‘cause when we play the likes of Atlanta and New Orleans, the crowds go crazy!
“You think, ‘Is it just us that’s being ignored?’ and then a really cool band like My Morning Jacket comes along and gets the same treatment. The only person operating out of leftfield that really gets the respect they deserve in the US is Beck. You don’t know where he’s going with his new record until you put it on.”
The same can be said of tracks like ‘Transistor’ and ‘Land Of 1000 Words’ on Ta-Dah, which prove there’s genuine substance behind the Scissor Sisters glitz.
“You’ve got to keep challenging yourself and the audience,” Shears maintains. “‘Transistor’ is heavy, creepy, strange and not at all what you’d call a pop song. It’s also the most fun I’m having on stage at the moment. Short-term you might loose some people, but long-term you’ve artistic credibility and options as to where you’re going to go next.”
Elton’s done more than just freshen up Jake’s record collection, with ‘I Don’t Feel Like Dancin'’ and ‘Intermission’ both going down as John/Shears co-writes. Was it scary rubbing nibs with him?
“Not scary, but nebulous,” he says necessitating a check of the dictionary. “We really didn’t know how we were going to do it. We were blind people fumbling around a room, but we didn’t budge from that table and came up with two songs that were pretty bad, two that are okay and the two on Ta-Dah, which we’re immensely proud of. There’s this amazing book that I’ve read a couple of times and given to the band, The War Of Art, which basically says that there’s no substitute for hard work. ‘I Don’t Feel Like Dancin'’ was actually the last thing we wrote, so it was a progression getting there.”
Spoken like a man who would’ve loved a job in the Brill Building during the ‘60s.
“I have fantasies about the Brill Building and sitting in the booth next to Neil Diamond,” he gushes. “This might sound flippant, but what me and Babydaddy do every day really is punch the clock. Even if you’ve totally got writer’s block, you keep persevering. It’s by turns the most painful, and the most beautiful thing you can do.”
Without taking your clothes off, of course.
“What’s to say I haven’t combined the two?” comes the mischievous retort. How’s Jake’s other AAA-List pal, Kylie?
“I’m expecting her to call with an update, but according to the friends in common we have, she’s well and loving being back on stage.”
Am I right in thinking Jake took her to one of Elton John’s White Tie & Tiara balls?
“That’s a sore point! I had what I thought was an amazing suit for the night, but when I put it on it just didn’t look right and I ended up going in a stage outfit, which was the only other thing I had handy. Somebody said to me recently, ‘Being at one of Elton’s parties must be surreal’, but spending my young, gay manhood in New York, I’ve always got to experience amazing things. This, the Scissor Sisters, is an extension of what I’ve always loved to do.”
Who’s the most full-on person Jake’s met?
“A really amazing guy is Fred Schneider from the B-52s who I used to fantasise about when I was a kid,” he divulges. “To be part of his gang now is actually surreal.”
Seen any good films recently?
“Horror fan that I am, I loved Slither which picked up an award for the highest body count of 2006. It’s so much better than the Japanese movies they keep making American versions of, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre VII, which is essentially a Levi’s commercial with fake blood. I did some Super-8 stuff when I was growing up, so maybe I’ll dabble again.”
Has he been offered any acting roles?
“I suspect that they’re kept from me in case I decide to disappear off for six months! I do feel ready to try something different, but only if it fits in around the band. We’ve been offered reality shows, but no matter how desperate we become, we’ll never go down that route.”
He mightn’t want to be a participant, but does Jake ever watch them?
“I’m ashamed to say that I’m addicted to The House Of Carters, which is one of the Backstreet Boys and his dysfunctional family who are either on drugs or drunk all the time. It’s car crash TV of the highest/lowest order!”
Okay, here’s the biggie – Jake Shears’ Favourite Moment of 2006?
“Meeting Veronica Cartwright, who’s on our album cover, was a huge one for me,” he concludes. “To find that somebody you’ve worshipped your whole life is worthy of that adoration is very special.” b